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Chekov: “We are trying to locate the nuclear wessels. We can’t find them. What about you guys?”
Tim Russ [offscreen]: “WE AIN’T FOUND SHIT!!”
Dark Helmet: “Putz!”
Chekov: “Vee are looking Frankie Kashtany. Err, how do you say… Cheestnyuts?
Cop: "Yeah, I really need to get a better agent. Being an extra sucks."
Chekov: "No, Uhura. I don't think he is Frankie Chestnuts."
Cop: "When you see Shatner, tell him that T J Hooker was a wuss."
Chekov: Are you one of the Village People?
Chekov: "You'll hev to forgeev Uhura, she just got beck from the Hold Your Hands on Your Hips Convention."
Chekov: "SURE I like gladiator movies... Vi do you ask?"
Chekov: "SURE I like gladiator movies..."
Ohura: "Pavel, I think..."
Chekov, to Uhura: "I wonder how much time we have until he realises zat we stole his credit card."
Officer: "ICE. I'm sorry, I'll have to deport you both."
Chekov: "On whose authority?"
Officer: "The President."
Uhura: "Just the President? I knew the US Government was unbalanced in the early 21st century, but I didn't know it was this bad!"
Chekov: "You do ze hokey-pokey..."
Uhura: "And you turn yourself around..."
Both: "That's what it's all about!"
Officer: "I'm afraid I'll still have to arrest you both."
"Shouldn't you be out tear gassing minority communities?"
"No, ma'am, ICE have got the federal franchise for that now."
To Chekov and Uhura's shock and delight, the officer was actually very interested in learning how to do the Hokey Pokey.
Bad boys Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do?
Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
Cop aids Time Travelers next
On Rescue 911
"Ho Ho Ho, little boy. Have I got a surprise for you."
“Excuse me sir. Where are are the rest of the Village People?”
Shoulder Pads vs no Shoulder Pads
Trek\Chips crossover.
Uhura: What are you accusing us of?
Chekhov: And why does your badge say ‘Mall Security?’
Chekov: "No. This cannot be Santa. His beard is not right."
“Officer Rammathorn, we already told you, that badge of marijuana is not ours. That sedan with the three college kids the wit out their car window when they noticed you. So could you please stop this ‘littering and…’ bit.”
"Do you know why I stopped you?"
Uhura:"I doubt it is to sell us a ticket
to the Policeman's Ball"
"SFPD, Ma'am, we don't have balls."
Uhura: "Hey! I'm wearing leather too you know. It's just not visible."
Leather jacket showdown!
"Please can you direct us to Comic Con? We are very important guests!"
"Really? I don't recognise you."
Chekov: "Yyes, ee am vyeareeng lyeazeyer pants... Vhy do yoah ask?"
Cop: "Lemme get this straight... You'd like to WRESTLE?"
Chekov: "No, I'm Chekov... You are looking for Sulu."
One should never ask an on-duty cop for a ‘mustache ride.’
Chekov: "Do they pay you enough to be in this movie?"
Cop: "No. But I get all the free donuts I can eat."
"Can we find Batman here?"
"Wrong place, buddy. Gotham City is down the coast!"
Uhura: "It's OK, Pavel, communications are my speciality. I know the local patois. Hey, homie, you's seem likes some supa' fine cop, kin ya' help me find mah' way t'de docks?"
Uhura: "Is that alien life form on your top lip real?"
Cop: "No, ma'am. It's part of the uniform. I take it off at the end of the shift."
Chekov: "I know Hooker. You know Hooker?"
Cop: "Are you her pimp or something?"
Uhura: "Hey! I'm not a hooker!"
Chekov: "No! No! Sergeant Hooker! You know?"
Cop: "Sergeant Hooker the dominatrix who works down the docks? She got busted!"
Chekov: "I look for citation, you know one, yes?"
Cop: "You want a citation?"
Uhura: "He means a cetacean, not a citation!"
Uhura: "You put your hands on your hips, and pull your knees in tight ..."
Checkov: "And it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane ..."
(awkward pause)
Cop: "Can I see your street performance licence?"
Chekov: "Officer, did you know the Russians invented motorcycles?"
[scene: Mid '80's. Haight-Ashbury District]
.
Cop [to self]: "Damn hippies."
Chekov: "CHROMDOME... I'm looking for CHROMDOME."
Agent: "I'm with ICE... I would like to know about your immigration status."
"Where is the Golden Gate Bridge?" - Every tourist, since the beginning of time.
Before Starfleet, Adm. Morrow was a beat cop in the streets of Frisco.
The three take a moment to practice Michael Jackson's anti-gravity lean.
Chekov makes things worse after asking for 'nuclear wessels' by also wpndering if the policeman was also part of the 'Wllage People'?

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© Graham & Ian Kennedy Page views : 138,870 Release date : 1 Jan 2026