Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 8:02 am
mwhittington wrote:"Daddy, his car sounds like it's farting!"-my daughter Bethany, referring to an annoying chav and his rice rocket. I busted up laughing at that one.
Page 6 of 18
Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 6:26 pm
Tim Taylor: "I've just been to heaven where they still give speeding tickets."
Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 5:35 pm
"That's what she said" -most overused, but still funny comeback ever.
Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 5:45 pm
Blackstar: That's what she said
Jessy: Apperently she talks too much
Jessy: Apperently she talks too much
Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 2:39 pm
Dangit! Don't you know every time you bring real world physics into Star Trek a Tribble dies?-Blackstar
Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 8:06 am
Captain Janeway
"I am very feminine and I'll beat the crap out of anyone who says otherwise!"
"Like hell do I have to answer your trivia to take command of my ship. I didn't screw half the Admirals in the fleet to get on a bullshit transporter room trivia show."
"Surrender your coffee or prepare to be destroyed. Resistance is futile."
Captain Picard
"I am tired of these motherfucking Borg on their mother fucking cubes!"
"We have engaged the-...wait, what were they called again? The Smorg? The Torg? The IRS?..."
"See the great thing about making First Contact is that you can wipe out the entire civilization and not get in trouble, because nobody else has heard of them."
"So to get us out of the nebula, you want to get the counselor and the doctor drunk and make them have sex with each other? Make it so!"
Star Trek: Enterprise
"Now, who are these fellers?"--Commander "Trip" Tucker upon meeting a race of aliens from the one of the earlier Star Trek franchises.
"As with every scientist and philosopher in the Galaxy, the Vulcan Science Academy says that time travel is impossible, Captain. Anybody who believes in it is full of crap, sir"--T'Pol
"It's called a 'tribble'. I use them to feed my Arcturan moon-bats, but you and nobody in StarFleet will remember seeing one for 100 years."--Phlox
"We're gonna get those terrorists. now watch this drive!" --Comander "Trip" Tucker.
"This is the Captain speaking. Starfleet has issued a new dresscode. No female officers may use clothes when the captain is alive."--Archer, after peepwatching on T'Pol in the shower.
"Now lets forget this ever happened and act totally surprised when we meet them again in 200 years." --Archer, after his encounter with the Borg.
"I am very feminine and I'll beat the crap out of anyone who says otherwise!"
"Like hell do I have to answer your trivia to take command of my ship. I didn't screw half the Admirals in the fleet to get on a bullshit transporter room trivia show."
"Surrender your coffee or prepare to be destroyed. Resistance is futile."
Captain Picard
"I am tired of these motherfucking Borg on their mother fucking cubes!"
"We have engaged the-...wait, what were they called again? The Smorg? The Torg? The IRS?..."
"See the great thing about making First Contact is that you can wipe out the entire civilization and not get in trouble, because nobody else has heard of them."
"So to get us out of the nebula, you want to get the counselor and the doctor drunk and make them have sex with each other? Make it so!"
Star Trek: Enterprise
"Now, who are these fellers?"--Commander "Trip" Tucker upon meeting a race of aliens from the one of the earlier Star Trek franchises.
"As with every scientist and philosopher in the Galaxy, the Vulcan Science Academy says that time travel is impossible, Captain. Anybody who believes in it is full of crap, sir"--T'Pol
"It's called a 'tribble'. I use them to feed my Arcturan moon-bats, but you and nobody in StarFleet will remember seeing one for 100 years."--Phlox
"We're gonna get those terrorists. now watch this drive!" --Comander "Trip" Tucker.
"This is the Captain speaking. Starfleet has issued a new dresscode. No female officers may use clothes when the captain is alive."--Archer, after peepwatching on T'Pol in the shower.
"Now lets forget this ever happened and act totally surprised when we meet them again in 200 years." --Archer, after his encounter with the Borg.
Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 1:00 pm
Huh?
They didn't say that.
They didn't say that.
Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 1:06 pm
Its from Fanfiction.
Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 3:47 pm
It's from http://uncyclopedia.org/Teaos wrote:Its from Fanfiction.
Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 1:51 am
Because I'm watching Disney's Mulan at the moment:
The Emperor of China: The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.
Shang: Sir?
The Emperor of China: You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty.
The Emperor of China: I've heard a great deal about you, Fa Mulan. You stole your father's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese Army, destroyed my palace, and... you have saved us all
The Emperor of China: A single grain of rice can tip the scale. One man may be the difference between victory and defeat
Fa Li: I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck.
Grandmother Fa: How lucky can they be? They're dead.
Mushu: [after Mulan fires rocket at Shan-Yu and it goes past him] You missed! How could you miss? He was 3 feet in front of you!
after Mulan cuts Khan loose from a flaming cart with Mushu in it]
Mushu: Oh, sure. Save the *horse*.
The Emperor of China: The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.
Shang: Sir?
The Emperor of China: You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty.
The Emperor of China: I've heard a great deal about you, Fa Mulan. You stole your father's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese Army, destroyed my palace, and... you have saved us all
The Emperor of China: A single grain of rice can tip the scale. One man may be the difference between victory and defeat
Fa Li: I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck.
Grandmother Fa: How lucky can they be? They're dead.
Mushu: [after Mulan fires rocket at Shan-Yu and it goes past him] You missed! How could you miss? He was 3 feet in front of you!
after Mulan cuts Khan loose from a flaming cart with Mushu in it]
Mushu: Oh, sure. Save the *horse*.
Re: Favorite Quotes
Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 3:41 pm
Words of Wisdom
"An wave is as big as the Ocean"
"The Mountain before you is smaller then the mountain below you"
"Always clear your history after looking at porn"
"An wave is as big as the Ocean"
"The Mountain before you is smaller then the mountain below you"
"Always clear your history after looking at porn"
Re: Favorite Quotes
Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 4:50 pm
Amen.ChakatBlackstar wrote:Words of Wisdom
"An wave is as big as the Ocean"
"The Mountain before you is smaller then the mountain below you"
"Always clear you history after looking at porn"
Re: Favorite Quotes
Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 6:38 pm
#1 - not always.ChakatBlackstar wrote:Words of Wisdom
"An wave is as big as the Ocean"
"The Mountain before you is smaller then the mountain below you"
"Always clear your history after looking at porn"
#2 - sometimes.
#3 - yeah, good idea.
Re: Favorite Quotes
Posted: Thu May 29, 2008 9:54 pm
From Red vs Blue: The Blood Gulch Chronicles
Church: Well, we'll just wait here. That thing's gotta run out of bullets sometime
Church: My God, doesn't that thing ever run out of bullets?
Caboose, learning how to drive the tank, has got it rammed up against a rock with most of the treads off the ground]
Sheila Now that you have mastered driving the M8O8V, let's move on to some of the safety features.
Caboose: No. No. Wait. Go back! Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?
[Flashback to Sidewinder]
Church: And that's when Tex showed up.
[Tex appears on a cliff.]
Church: Private Mickey was the first to go. He was halfway across the base when he all of a sudden he just started screaming bloody murder.
[Tex shoots Mickey]
Mickey: Bloody murder! Bloody murder!
[Tex shoots the rest of the soldiers]
Church: The whole thing was over before it even started. Poor Jimmy was the last one to go. Tex walked up to him, pulled Jimmy's skull right out of his head and beat him to death with it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Cut to Tucker at Blood Gulch]:Tucker: Wait a second... how do you beat someone to death with their own skull? That doesn't seem physically possible.
Church: That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Cut back to Tex at Sidewinder, beating Jimmy to death with his own skull]
Jimmy: This doesn't seem physically possible! [Dies]
Church: Tucker, we're going to give you covering fire!
Tucker: Covering fire? Unless that means you're going to build a huge, bulletproof wall between me and them, I think you need to come up with a new plan. Preferably one that involves me keeping the same quantity of blood that I have right now.
Church: No problem. Oh, wait, wait, does the blood have to be in your body?
Caboose: I knew it. We're all gonna die. [Points sniper rifle at Tucker's head while speaking in a deep voice] Starting with you!!
[confronting O'Malley]
Church: Alright, O'Malley, this is it. From now on, if anybody makes my girlfriend cranky and psychotic; it's gonna be me.
Tex: Aww, that's sweet.
Church: Shut up, Bitch.
Tex: Asshole.
O'Malley: I will devour their hearts and crap out their souls! They will all taste oblivion! Which tastes just like Red Bull... which is disgusting.
Tucker: Get Doc, I need Doc.
Donut: I can't, he got possessed by the evil guy and they escaped! He's the one who shot you, don't you remember?
Tucker: I know, I want him to shoot me again.
[As the Rocket Soldier runs past a rock, he gets shot and killed by a blue hiding behind the rock]
Rocket Soldier: Oh, you fucking camping bitch!
Blue Camper: It's a legitimate strategy!
Caboose: My name is Michael J. Caboose, and I hate babies!
Caboose: I will eat your unhappiness!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caboose: Your toast has been burned and no amount of scraping will remove the black parts
Church: I learned a very valuable lesson on my travels, Tucker. No matter how bad things might seem...
Caboose: They could be worse?
Church: Nope, no matter how bad they seem, they can't be any better, and they can't be any worse, because that's the way things fucking are, and you better get used to it Nancy. Quit yer bitching
Caboose: Time... line? Time isn't made out of lines. It is made out of circles. That is why clocks are round!
Tucker: Ha Ha Ha! Some slimy toothed monster scared the crap outta Church!
Tex: It didn't scare the crap out of him, it scared the SOUL out of him.
Tucker: Oh, it's Chruch. What's the difference? His soul is made out of crap! (to Church) Stupid crap for soul...
Church: For all I know, he's in there chewin' on my body right now.
Tex: Well, then let's go get this big thing of yours!
Tucker: Bow Chicka Bow Wow!
Tex: Oh, shut up!
Church: Shut up, Tucker.
Tucker: Somebody call for a really hairy plumber? Bow Chicka Bow Wow!
Church: Tucker! Shut up!
Tucker: I came here to lay some pipe. (quickly) Bow Chicka Bow Wow!
Church: Tucker!
Tucker: So I hear you got sisters, Bow Chicka- who are twins, Bow Wow!
Church: Shut up.
Tucker: Hey, are you a model or famous actress? Bow Chicka Bow Wow!
Church: Shut up!
Tucker: Bow chickachicka bow wow chickachicka bow wow etc.
Church: (while Tucker is saying last) Shut up. Shut up. Shut UP!
Tex: Alright, screw it. You guys get behind me, and stay tight.
Tucker: [very quickly] Bow Chicka Bow Wow.
Tex: Never mind, Tucker's in front.
Tucker: Eh, it was worth it
Church: Oh, look who's back, the conquering heroes! What's up guys?
Tucker: Meh.
Church: Hey, where's Tex?
Tucker: Gone.
Church: Where's the alien?
Tucker: Dead.
Church: Well, how'd the quest go?
Tucker: Failed.
Church: Yeah, you know, I, I probably didn't even need to ask that last question, did I?
Church: Well, is Tex okay?
Tucker: She's fine. None of us are that lucky. She chased after Wyoming.
Church: Tex?
Tucker: Yeah.
Church: Wyoming?
Tucker: Yes.
Caboose: Massachusetts!
Tucker: Seriously, stop it.
Church: Okay, guys, I don't mean to be rude, but I've got a missing girlfriend, a guy who's pregnant, an idiot who thinks his pet just died, AND our worst enemy is hanging out unsupervised at our base right now. So I really, really, REALLY don't have time for this horse-shit right now!
[awkward silence]
Grif: ...Uh, what was that part about the pregnant guy?
Church: HE'S NOT PREGNANT! That's impossible.
Caboose: I feel dizzy!
Church: Uh, is he gonna be okay?
Doc: Tucker's kid drank half a gallon in one go. Isn't that cool? I think he's gonna be a linebacker. Or a vampire. Or a vampire linebacker! That'd be crazy.
Caboose: [looking around randomly] Oooooh...
Doc: Anyway, blood is pretty important, so Caboose is bound to have some side effects like dizziness, or nausea, or sensitivity to light -
Caboose: I think I'm going to stop standing up now. [collapses in a convenient heap]
Doc: Or passing out.
Caboose: Church, if I die, I want you to have my orange juice.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caboose: I can't feel my torso.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caboose: I'm still laying here. Why won't anyone help me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caboose: My body...is trying to die.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caboose: If I've been bitten by it, does that mean I'm going to turn into one of them...?
Church: Shut up Caboose.
Caboose: Blaaarrrggg...
Church: SHUT UP, CABOOSE.
Caboose: Oh no, don't let me turn...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caboose: Don't leave me with the horrible doctor.
Doc: Oh, shut up, Caboose.
Caboose: Now he's cursing at me.
Vic: Hey dude.
Church: Vic, hey. This is Church. I need -
Vic: This is Vic at 555-V-I-C-K diddly-do. I'm not in the casito right now so leave your lowdown at the ding dong. Hasta.
Church: Hey Vic, this is Church. I need -
Voice Mail: You have reached the voice mail system.
Church: [sighs] Okay, okay, come on.
Voice Mail: To leave a message, just wait for the tone.
Church: I know how to leave a goddamn message.
Voice Mail: When you are finished recording, just hang up or press pound for more options.
Church: Really. Hang up. No shit. I was just gonna keep talking until he decided check his voice mail.
Voice Mail: For delivery options, press five.
Church: Just give me the damn beep!
Voice Mail: To leave a call back number, press eight. To page this person, press six,-
Church: Come on!
Voice Mail: To repeat this message, press nine.
Church: I will fucking stab you, computer-phone-lady!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Voice Mail: To mark this message as urgent, press eleven.
Church: THERE IS NO ELEVEN, YOU FUCKING WHORE!
Doc: Oooohh... language.
Simmons: But girls can't be color blind!
Sister: Yeah? Well they say girls can't ejaculate either, but guess what?
Grif: Yeah! Wait, what?!
(The tank appears)
Church: Yeah! Caboose came though. See that, Wyoming? Now we have our tank. Booya, motherfucker!
Wyoming: Mwhawhawha! Your tank?
Gary: Knock knock, Church.
Church: Aw, crap. Is it just me or does something dramatic happen like every five minutes? I can not be the only person who notices this.
Sarge: When you kill your enemy, you wanna look straight in his eyes so he knows that you're the one who beat him to death! It also gives you a chance to deal out some really zippy one-liners. Like, "I hope you brought your wallet, 'cause the rent in Hell gets paid in advance!"
Grif: (sighs) Oh, my god...
Sarge: Or my personal favorite, "You just got Sarged!"
Sarge: My favorite part was the part when you died! Encore! Bravo!
Sarge: Hey, Grif, hold these bullets for me... [Sarge shoots and kills Grif.] ...IN YOUR GUT!
Grif: Ow! I can see my spine!
Church: Well, we'll just wait here. That thing's gotta run out of bullets sometime
Church: My God, doesn't that thing ever run out of bullets?
Caboose, learning how to drive the tank, has got it rammed up against a rock with most of the treads off the ground]
Sheila Now that you have mastered driving the M8O8V, let's move on to some of the safety features.
Caboose: No. No. Wait. Go back! Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?
[Flashback to Sidewinder]
Church: And that's when Tex showed up.
[Tex appears on a cliff.]
Church: Private Mickey was the first to go. He was halfway across the base when he all of a sudden he just started screaming bloody murder.
[Tex shoots Mickey]
Mickey: Bloody murder! Bloody murder!
[Tex shoots the rest of the soldiers]
Church: The whole thing was over before it even started. Poor Jimmy was the last one to go. Tex walked up to him, pulled Jimmy's skull right out of his head and beat him to death with it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Cut to Tucker at Blood Gulch]:Tucker: Wait a second... how do you beat someone to death with their own skull? That doesn't seem physically possible.
Church: That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Cut back to Tex at Sidewinder, beating Jimmy to death with his own skull]
Jimmy: This doesn't seem physically possible! [Dies]
Church: Tucker, we're going to give you covering fire!
Tucker: Covering fire? Unless that means you're going to build a huge, bulletproof wall between me and them, I think you need to come up with a new plan. Preferably one that involves me keeping the same quantity of blood that I have right now.
Church: No problem. Oh, wait, wait, does the blood have to be in your body?
Caboose: I knew it. We're all gonna die. [Points sniper rifle at Tucker's head while speaking in a deep voice] Starting with you!!
[confronting O'Malley]
Church: Alright, O'Malley, this is it. From now on, if anybody makes my girlfriend cranky and psychotic; it's gonna be me.
Tex: Aww, that's sweet.
Church: Shut up, Bitch.
Tex: Asshole.
O'Malley: I will devour their hearts and crap out their souls! They will all taste oblivion! Which tastes just like Red Bull... which is disgusting.
Tucker: Get Doc, I need Doc.
Donut: I can't, he got possessed by the evil guy and they escaped! He's the one who shot you, don't you remember?
Tucker: I know, I want him to shoot me again.
[As the Rocket Soldier runs past a rock, he gets shot and killed by a blue hiding behind the rock]
Rocket Soldier: Oh, you fucking camping bitch!
Blue Camper: It's a legitimate strategy!
Caboose: My name is Michael J. Caboose, and I hate babies!
Caboose: I will eat your unhappiness!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caboose: Your toast has been burned and no amount of scraping will remove the black parts
Church: I learned a very valuable lesson on my travels, Tucker. No matter how bad things might seem...
Caboose: They could be worse?
Church: Nope, no matter how bad they seem, they can't be any better, and they can't be any worse, because that's the way things fucking are, and you better get used to it Nancy. Quit yer bitching
Caboose: Time... line? Time isn't made out of lines. It is made out of circles. That is why clocks are round!
Tucker: Ha Ha Ha! Some slimy toothed monster scared the crap outta Church!
Tex: It didn't scare the crap out of him, it scared the SOUL out of him.
Tucker: Oh, it's Chruch. What's the difference? His soul is made out of crap! (to Church) Stupid crap for soul...
Church: For all I know, he's in there chewin' on my body right now.
Tex: Well, then let's go get this big thing of yours!
Tucker: Bow Chicka Bow Wow!
Tex: Oh, shut up!
Church: Shut up, Tucker.
Tucker: Somebody call for a really hairy plumber? Bow Chicka Bow Wow!
Church: Tucker! Shut up!
Tucker: I came here to lay some pipe. (quickly) Bow Chicka Bow Wow!
Church: Tucker!
Tucker: So I hear you got sisters, Bow Chicka- who are twins, Bow Wow!
Church: Shut up.
Tucker: Hey, are you a model or famous actress? Bow Chicka Bow Wow!
Church: Shut up!
Tucker: Bow chickachicka bow wow chickachicka bow wow etc.
Church: (while Tucker is saying last) Shut up. Shut up. Shut UP!
Tex: Alright, screw it. You guys get behind me, and stay tight.
Tucker: [very quickly] Bow Chicka Bow Wow.
Tex: Never mind, Tucker's in front.
Tucker: Eh, it was worth it
Church: Oh, look who's back, the conquering heroes! What's up guys?
Tucker: Meh.
Church: Hey, where's Tex?
Tucker: Gone.
Church: Where's the alien?
Tucker: Dead.
Church: Well, how'd the quest go?
Tucker: Failed.
Church: Yeah, you know, I, I probably didn't even need to ask that last question, did I?
Church: Well, is Tex okay?
Tucker: She's fine. None of us are that lucky. She chased after Wyoming.
Church: Tex?
Tucker: Yeah.
Church: Wyoming?
Tucker: Yes.
Caboose: Massachusetts!
Tucker: Seriously, stop it.
Church: Okay, guys, I don't mean to be rude, but I've got a missing girlfriend, a guy who's pregnant, an idiot who thinks his pet just died, AND our worst enemy is hanging out unsupervised at our base right now. So I really, really, REALLY don't have time for this horse-shit right now!
[awkward silence]
Grif: ...Uh, what was that part about the pregnant guy?
Church: HE'S NOT PREGNANT! That's impossible.
Caboose: I feel dizzy!
Church: Uh, is he gonna be okay?
Doc: Tucker's kid drank half a gallon in one go. Isn't that cool? I think he's gonna be a linebacker. Or a vampire. Or a vampire linebacker! That'd be crazy.
Caboose: [looking around randomly] Oooooh...
Doc: Anyway, blood is pretty important, so Caboose is bound to have some side effects like dizziness, or nausea, or sensitivity to light -
Caboose: I think I'm going to stop standing up now. [collapses in a convenient heap]
Doc: Or passing out.
Caboose: Church, if I die, I want you to have my orange juice.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caboose: I can't feel my torso.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caboose: I'm still laying here. Why won't anyone help me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caboose: My body...is trying to die.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caboose: If I've been bitten by it, does that mean I'm going to turn into one of them...?
Church: Shut up Caboose.
Caboose: Blaaarrrggg...
Church: SHUT UP, CABOOSE.
Caboose: Oh no, don't let me turn...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caboose: Don't leave me with the horrible doctor.
Doc: Oh, shut up, Caboose.
Caboose: Now he's cursing at me.
Vic: Hey dude.
Church: Vic, hey. This is Church. I need -
Vic: This is Vic at 555-V-I-C-K diddly-do. I'm not in the casito right now so leave your lowdown at the ding dong. Hasta.
Church: Hey Vic, this is Church. I need -
Voice Mail: You have reached the voice mail system.
Church: [sighs] Okay, okay, come on.
Voice Mail: To leave a message, just wait for the tone.
Church: I know how to leave a goddamn message.
Voice Mail: When you are finished recording, just hang up or press pound for more options.
Church: Really. Hang up. No shit. I was just gonna keep talking until he decided check his voice mail.
Voice Mail: For delivery options, press five.
Church: Just give me the damn beep!
Voice Mail: To leave a call back number, press eight. To page this person, press six,-
Church: Come on!
Voice Mail: To repeat this message, press nine.
Church: I will fucking stab you, computer-phone-lady!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Voice Mail: To mark this message as urgent, press eleven.
Church: THERE IS NO ELEVEN, YOU FUCKING WHORE!
Doc: Oooohh... language.
Simmons: But girls can't be color blind!
Sister: Yeah? Well they say girls can't ejaculate either, but guess what?
Grif: Yeah! Wait, what?!
(The tank appears)
Church: Yeah! Caboose came though. See that, Wyoming? Now we have our tank. Booya, motherfucker!
Wyoming: Mwhawhawha! Your tank?
Gary: Knock knock, Church.
Church: Aw, crap. Is it just me or does something dramatic happen like every five minutes? I can not be the only person who notices this.
Sarge: When you kill your enemy, you wanna look straight in his eyes so he knows that you're the one who beat him to death! It also gives you a chance to deal out some really zippy one-liners. Like, "I hope you brought your wallet, 'cause the rent in Hell gets paid in advance!"
Grif: (sighs) Oh, my god...
Sarge: Or my personal favorite, "You just got Sarged!"
Sarge: My favorite part was the part when you died! Encore! Bravo!
Sarge: Hey, Grif, hold these bullets for me... [Sarge shoots and kills Grif.] ...IN YOUR GUT!
Grif: Ow! I can see my spine!
Re: Favorite Quotes
Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 2:51 am
Are you kidding?