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| Name | Caption |
| Captain 8472 | Kirk: Let’s forget the ‘why’ and focus on the ‘how.’ How were you, Mr. Scott, able to get the Enterprise ‘repossessed’ by the Ferengi?! |
| Captain 8472 | Kirk: Let’s forget the ‘how’ and focus on the ‘why.’ Why did you think it was a good idea to bet on the transporter actually working at a crucial time? |
| Chromedome | Kirk: "So we're playing Master Of The Universe. I'm He-man .." Scotty: "Predictable." Kirk: "Jaylah is Teela, Chekov is Man-At-Arms and ..." Scotty: "And?" Kirk: "You can be Skeletor!" |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Kirk: "So what do you think? Chinese?" Scotty: "How about Thai?" Chekov: "Nah, too spicy! Russian!" Jaylah: "Mexican?" Chekov: “Russian!” Scotty: "Pizza!" Kirk: "Thin or thick?" Kaylah: "Chicago!" Chekov: “Russian!” |
| Chromedome | Kirk: "OK, so that's two pints of lager, a double vodka, a Sex On the Beach, three packets of crisps, and a packet of pork scratchings?" Scotty: "You'd better get a tray." Kirk: "Don't you think I've got enough to carry?" |
| Captain 8472 | The origins of the computer virus infecting the Enterprise have been discovered. Mr. Scott’s internet ‘activities’ weren’t the only problems in main engineering. |
| Captain 8472 | Kirk: Mr. Scott, your fly is down. |
| Chromedome | "What do you mean, you don't like haggis? Everybody likes haggis!" |
| Chromedome | "So where are we going to go for lunch then?" |
| Captain 8472 | Scotty’s panic was so intense, one could use his sphincter as a cigar cutter. |
| Frankie Chestnuts | ♫ One of these things is not like the other ♪ . ...Well, actually, two of these things are not like the others... I mean, they aren't alike either, but, you know, one's an alien female, but Mr. Scott is different because he's wearing red... and he's wearing red... Then again, Chekov is Russian, so he's different... Forget it! |
| Captain 8472 | Kirk: Scotty, what do you mean by saying I may not be the father? |
| Chromedome | Chromedome is shocked to find out that somebody WANTS to invite him to a party! |
| Captain 8472 | FrankieChestnuts, Miss Marple and The Geek are shocked that Chromedome forgot what the theme for the costume party. |
| Captain 8472 | There was a distinct lack of amusement when everyone learned that the planet was called ‘Fantasy Island’ and that Mr. Scott was in charge. |
| Chromedome | "This isn't what I expected when I signed up to be on Love Island!" |
| Captain 8472 | The moment you realize your mistake and you keep making it worse. |
| Captain 8472 | Kirk: Mr. Scott, could you please clarify the ‘odds and ends’ you traded away for 2107 whisky. |
| Captain 8472 | No one expects the Scotty Inquisition! |
| Chromedome | Scotty: Is it just me who wants a better storyline? Chekov: What's wrong with this one? Scotty: On a deserted planet being hunted by aliens? Been done. Jaylah: Hey, I'm not psycho! Kirk: So what'd you suggest? Scotty: A barfight in a spacestation, or turn the ship into a cruise liner? Chekov: Combat drinking! Kirk: But would I look heroic? Scotty: There'd be lots of girls. Kirk: I'm in! |
| Captain 8472 | Scotty made the mistake of not wearing his brown pants. |
| Captain 8472 | Scotty: I just discovered the location of Admiral Archer’s prized beagle. Kirk: Where is it? Scotty: Over there, over there, and up there. |
| Captain 8472 | The New Year’s Resolution for Scotty: prove his captain wrong. It is not going well. |
| Captain 8472 | Scotty is not digesting the haggis well. The loud and drawn out fart is only the beginning of what is to come. |
| Captain 8472 | Kirk: I understand problems with the warp drive and transporter, but how did the plumbing of every toilet on the ship suddenly go into reverse? |
| Chromedome | Kirk: "Seriously, Scotty? At a time like this and you're suggesting we take a break and play strip poker?" |
| N'tran DS 12 | "Mr Scott, where are the tribbles?" |
| Chromedome | "Do DITL know that it is bad luck to leave the Christmas decorations up past 12th Night?" |
| Chromedome | "She's looking at me in that tone of voice again, Captain!" |
| Captain 8472 | Everyone just learned Pegg is being paid the most. |
| Chromedome | Pegg: "This script reminds me of an early draft I did for 'Shaun Of The Dead'. Do you think we can persuade the director to include a scene with a Cornetto?" |
| Chromedome | "Sorry, HOW much are you getting paid, Simon?" |
| Chromedome | Jaylah: "You know the difference between you and me? I make this look good!" |
| Chromedome | "What do you mean by 'She was in the Christmas cracker'?" |
| Chromedome | "Yeah, OK, so I farted!" |
| Captain 8472 | Kirk: Was that a joke about my hair or Jaylah’s? |
| Captain 8472 | Kirk: Was that a joke about my hair or Ohura’s? |
| Captain 8472 | It appears these four ‘simply walked into Mordor.’ |
| Captain 8472 | Kirk: Mr. Scott, how does one ‘misplace’ a Federation Star Ship? |
| Captain 8472 | No one said being the Chief Engineer of a Star Ship would be easy. What is always ignored is the laundry system. |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Scotty: “Hold on… Did I no catch the memo fer the dress code? |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Scotty: “Why are ye starin' at me? Whit aboot ye gei that white lass in the barmy gear a wee look?” |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Pine: “Hang on a sec… You’re not Scottish!” Pegg: “I’m closer than the last guy that played this role!” |
| Captain 8472 | After Kirk called for volunteers to go on a dangerous mission, everyone turned to the only person in red. |
| Chromedome | "I thought I signed up for Star Trek, not Masters Of The Universe!" "Is there a difference?" |
| Chromedome | "Do you remember where we parked?" |
| Captain 8472 | Everyone was surprised. How did he survive while wearing a red shirt? |
| Captain 8472 | Kirk: We just discussed this with Spock. Scotty, what made you think it was a good idea to plant tracking devices on us without our consent? |
| Captain 8472 | Kirk: Mr. Scott, what did you do to the ship this time? |
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