Quark

"I love the Bajorans. Such a deeply spiritual culture, but they make a dreadful ale. Never trust ale from a god-fearing people, or a Starfleet commander that has one of your relatives in jail."

"A suit of the finest Andorian silk? A ring of pure Surax? A complete set of Tanesh pottery? How about a latinum plated bucket to sleep in?"

"It's good to want things."

"Even things you can't have?"

"Especially things I can't have."

"One man's priceless is another man's worthless."

"Yes, Lursa and B'Etor… big talk, small tips."

"Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies."

"He couldn’t find a cup of water if you dropped him in a lake but, even if he is an idiot, he’s still my brother."

"It’s such a pleasure doing business with Klingons."

"There's nothing quite so depressing as a winning streak that won't stop streaking."

"It never hurts to suck up to the boss."

"No, he's right. If something goes wrong, it'll be my fault!"

"Then you're going to need help, brother."

"Yes!"

"Someone to serve as your consultant during negotiations."

"Yes!"

"Someone like me."

"No."

"I am Quark, son of Keldar, and I have come to answer the challenge of D'Ghor, son of... whatever."

"Go ahead, kill me! That's why I'm here, isn't it, to be killed? Well, here I am, so go ahead and do it. You all want me to pick up that sword and try to fight him, don't you? But I don't have a chance and you know it! You only want me to put up a fight so your precious honour will be satisfied. Well, I'm not going to make it so easy for you. Having me fight D'Ghor is nothing more than an execution, so, if that's what you want, that's what you'll get. An execution. No honour, no glory. And when you tell your children and your grandchildren the glorious story of how you rose to power and took Grilka's House from her, I hope you remember to tell them how you heroically killed an unarmed Ferengi half your size."

"Isn't there some petty thief you could harass?"

"Just you."

"You humans, you never learn. You let your women go out in public, hold jobs, wear clothing... and you wonder why your marriages fall apart."

"Everything that goes wrong here is your fault. It says so in your contract."

"Trust me, Quark. Darts and bars go together like bacon and eggs."

"At least people order bacon and eggs. In all the years I've been here, no one has ever come in and asked to see the dart board."

"Trust me. They will."

"I think you're lying, Quark."

"About which part?"

"All of it."

"Well, at least I am consistent."

"There's nothing quite like holding a child to your breast, nursing it. (pause) The entity which lent me this body wishes to speak!"

"How much longer am I gonna have to do this?!"

"Root beer. This is the end of Ferengi civilization."

"You hew-mons, all you want to do is please your women. You want them to be your friends. But we Ferengi know better. Women are the enemy."

"You people should take better care of yourselves. Stop poisoning your bodies with tobacco and atom bombs. Sooner or later, that kind of stuff will kill you!"

"You know what I like about Klingon stories, commander? Nothing. Lots of people die, and nobody makes any profit."

"How did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"I ordered a glass of prune juice from the replicator in the Defiant's mess. This is what it came in."

"Captain, you're just in time for happy hour."

"Do I look happy, Quark?"

"Well, Rom, I'm glad things are going so well for you."

"No, you're not. But thanks, anyway, brother."

"Don't you get it? I'm not trying to rescue you. I'm taking you along as emergency rations. If you die, I'm going to eat you."

"Who's winning the war?"

"It's too early to tell."

"It's been three days."

"Don't remind me. They found a nest."

"That's good."

"It's not the main nest."

"That's not so good. I thought Chief O'Brien trapped the last vole on the station months ago."

"Well, obviously he missed a couple. A married couple. They breed like tribbles."

"But they're not as cute."

"What are you doing in my closet?"

"Conducting official FCA business."

"In my closet?"

"I tried. I tried my best to run my establishment under this occupation. But you know what? It's no fun! I don't like the Cardassians, they're mean and arrogant. And I can't stand the Jem'Hadar. They're creepy, they just stand there like statues, staring at you. That's it. I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing business with these people. I want the Federation back! I want to sell root beer again!"

"You're not exactly the most lovable person in the galaxy. You're not even the most lovable person in this sector. Or on this station. Or even in this room."

"That female happens to be my mother!"

"Moogie! I was so worried."

"You're a good son."

"I was worried too."

"And you're a good liar."

"Marry me!"

"Uh, I don't think your wife would approve."

"Who cares. She hasn't touched my lobes in months."

"I can tell."

"Miles, I don't know what to say. I'm touched."

"You're both touched!"

"You wanna get Jadzia to Sto-vo-kor fine, fine, go for it. But can't you do something more sensible? Make a donation in her name! Or bribe someone!"

"It doesn't work that way, Quark."

"It'd be nice if it did."

"Now wait a minute! You have no right to tell me who I can be friends with!"

"If you dishonor Jadzia's memory, you will regret it. And that goes for you, too, Ferengi!"

"What did I do?!"

"You're a therapist?"

"Why does everyone sound so surprised when they hear that?"

"I hope you learned your lesson."

"Always look behind you before swinging a bat."

"Did I forget to wear my spots today?"

"All that intelligence and he still doesn't know what a Human looks like!"

"Let me tell you something about hewmons, nephew. They're a wonderful, friendly people, as long as their bellies are full and their holosuites are working. But take away their creature comforts, deprive them of food, sleep, sonic showers, put their lives in jeopardy over an extended period of time, and those same friendly, intelligent, wonderful people will become as nasty and violent as the most bloodthirsty Klingon. You don't believe me? Look at those faces. Look in their eyes. You know I'm right, don't you? Well? Aren't you going to say something? "

"I feel sorry for the Jem'Hadar."

"It looks like Deep Space 9 to me."

"I suppose a cargo bay… is a cargo bay, no matter what universe you're in."

"I told you cloaking the cloaking device was a good idea."

"Brilliant. But couldn't we've done something about its weight?"

"Nope. But if it makes you feel any better, the cloaking device on the Defiant is a lot heavier."

"Tell it to my hernia."

"Watch your step, Odo. We're at war with your people. This is no time for a 'Changeling Pride' demonstration on the promenade."

"We humanoids are the product of millions of years of evolution. Our ancestors learned the hard way that what you don't know might kill you. They wouldn't have survived if they hadn't jumped back when they encountered a snake coiled in the muck. And now millions of years later, that instinct is still there."

"I won't preside over the demise of Ferengi civilization! The line has to be drawn here! This far, and no further!"

"This is insane. You ACTUALLY want Rom to be Nagus?"

"You're my brother."

"And YOU'RE an idiot! But I love ya."

"It's like I said, the more things change, the more they stay the same."