Worst Possible Star Trek Plot

[Lazar]

Maybe we could all try to write the worst Star Trek script ever written, and then have it turn out awesome, like in The Producers.

[Tsukiyumi]

Maybe we could all try to write the worst Star Trek script ever written, and then have it turn out awesome, like in The Producers.

I like that idea.

[Mark]

Worse than Insurection! Make Enterprise look well written!! Make Voyager look like award winning stuff!!!

[Tsukiyumi]

Okay, my premise is about a genetically engineered whale captain leading a group of misfit outcasts that are all secretly experts in every known field on a mission to save the multiverse in a time-traveling, universe-hopping MVAM supership that seperates into 220 individual ships. And Neelix is the first officer.

Sound good?

[Deepcrush]

[Deepcrush]

[Deepcrush]

I had to double post because one just wouldn't hold the need pain!

[Lazar]

*rubs hands gleefully*

[Tsukiyumi]

Did I mention that the ship has lots of families on it?

Topic split from here.

[Teaos]

And everyone sleeps with everyone?

[Lazar]

Well first of all, we need a cast. Here's my proposal:

Captain: brruu-woo-woo-ui, great-granddaughter of George and Gracie. She resides in the ship's cetacean habitat and is present on the bridge via hologram

First Officer: Neelix, bringing the superior command skills that he learned on his freighter

Science Officer: Wesley Crusher, reinstated into Starfleet after learning the Theory of Everything from the Traveler

Chief Engineer: Reginod, noted Pakled engineer, whose lack of technical skill is made up for by an unrelenting desire to make things go

Operations Officer: Bardop, a Tamarian exchange officer whose excellent management skills are hampered by her near total inability to communicate with the rest of the crew

Chief Medical Officer: after the unfortunate borgification of Katherine Pulaski, her duties are assumed by the EMH Mk 2, known informally as Dr Dick

Security / Tactical Officer: Alexander Rozhenko, whose signature weapon is a vintage Ferengi energy whip given to him by Nog

Flight Controller: Thadiun Okona, a pilot's pilot

Counselor: Mr Comic, known throughout the galaxy for his outstanding people skills and psychological prowess

[Grundig]

This is really shaping up! You guys scare me sometimes: just today, I was just thinking of trying to come up with my own show idea, but I was worried that it would be a load of crap. Tonight you've taught me to embrace my bad taste! Three cheers!

As for this series, here are my suggestions.

-Starfleet has decided to revert to the early TNG uniforms with the colored tubing on the shoulders. All men will wear those weird one-piece skirt uniforms, and will not cross their legs when seated.

-The pilot episode will be about Neelix's past, when he was allllll alooooone on his little old ship. This, I feel, will really give the character a chance to shine. Everybody loves Neelix, so we should start by giving them as much of him as possible. A subplot could explain the mysterious appearance of the Romulan Forehead Ridges in TNG.

-I feel that vampires have been grossly underrepresented in the Star Trek universe, and since its philosophy has always been forward thinking, our blooddrinking friends deserve their fair share of screen time. This vampire, named Zoog, will be played by a computer-generated image of Bela Lugosi. For the first few episodes we will focus on the difficulties Zoog has adjusting to life on board a starship - things like needing the rooms to be dark and foggy, and not being able to drink replicated blood. Then we will completely disregard these limitations for the rest of the series. Neelix will choose Zoog as a personal project, and will try to cook for him and be his friend. As comic relief, Neelix will routinely need to visit the doctor for treatment of the onset of vampirism. The doctor will be a dick to Neelix, naturally.

-The ship will not use warp drive to move about the galaxy. Instead, Wesley Crusher has invented the Good Vibes drive, which only works if everyone claps their hands and chants that they do believe in FTL travel! People will tease Brruu-woo-woo-ui for not being able to clap or talk.

A Q will periodically antagonize the crew. This Q will be played by Hayden Christiansen.

[Lazar]

Also, I think all Starfleet personnel on board should have the rank of captain.

[Sionnach Glic]

Needs more angst.

[shran]

Don't forget that at least one man should get pregnant and that the resident vampire would contract something like AIDS after drinking the wrong person's blood.