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Here is the rewrite for my fanfiction

Characters
*Captain Jack Gore (Captain)
*Captain Elizabeth Richards (Chief Medical Officer)
*Commander Laura Bates (Executive Officer)
*Lieutenant Colonel Katelyn Vale (Head of MACO contingent)
*Lieutenant Commander Miguel Diaz (Chief Science Officer)
*Lieutenant Commander Tiras Deval (Chief Engineer)
*Lieutenant Commander Padraig Daniels (Tactical Officer)
*Lieutenant Kell Perim (Operations Officer)
*Lieutenant Jim Peart (Chief of Security)
*Lieutenant Falon Wriede (Deputy Chief of Security)
*Ensign Kiska LoMar (Flight Control Officer)
*Chief Petty Officer Chuck Sonnenberg (Engineer)

Fic:
Utopia Planitia Fleet Yards
Drydock 145
Stardate 59398.5

It had been 15 months since the Sovereign started repairs. It had also been 15 months since the Borg invaded the Alpha and Beta Quadrant powers. The Sovereign was moderately damaged in a fight with the Borg over Alpha Centauri III. The Sovereign had destroyed Cube 6C49-8361 but the drones beamed over and started slaughtering the crew. The chief engineer had flooded the entire ship with plasma killing everyone inside. Two weeks after the invasion, Captain Jack Gore petitioned to have the Sovereign restored to pristine condition. In his petition, he stated that he would select the crew and captain the ship himself after repairs were completed. One of the first pressing tasks that came with repairing the Sovereign was removing the plasma that filled the ships interiors After the arduous task of trying to manually open the magnetically sealed airlocks Chief Petty Officer Chuck Sonnenberg decide by just detonated photon grenades at all the airlocks and venting the ship's atmosphere. The Sovereign was getting some last minute maintenance work done. Most of the crew had arrived, but there were several personnel Captain Gore had to pick up from other places.

As the gray haired Canadian looked over several resumes, he found the resume of one Lieutenant Colonel Katelyn "Kaylee" Vale. She had admirable service record and had fought in several battles in the Dominion War. He read several reports by her former superior officers and decided that he'd found his security chief. The MACOs had been brought back during the Federation-Cardassian War to combat Cardassian ground forces. Now, he only had four more positions to fill. His mind suddenly flashed back to the Dominion War to his command of the Prometheus-class USS Daedalus NCC-75201 during the Battle of the Romulan Neutral Zone, in which he was attacked by three Jem'Hadar Battlecruisers while patrolling the Neutral Zone, but aided by five Norexan-class Warbirds several minutes into the battle. "Captain". Gore muttered, "Huh?" "Here are the status reports on the new sensor suite", reported his Alpha Shift Science Officer Miguel Diaz. Gore was somewhat startled from his daze, but replied, "Thanks for the update. How much longer until we bring the warp engines online Cmdr. Diaz?" Diaz replied, "They'll be ready to go in 30 minutes after we reinforce the nacelle pylons with the new chromoceramic ablative armor". "Good, our first destination is Starbase 12 where we will pick up our XO and Security Chief. The Alpha Shift Flight Control has just arrived along with the Chief Engineer. Our second destination will be Xarantine where we will pick up our CMO", said Captain Gore. Diaz replied, "That's great sir, then we can begin what we're supposed to do: exploration". "Actually, our first assignment is to patrol the border between the Romulan Star Empire and Imperial State. There is lots of criminal activity there and we suspect that several pirate bases are located there", replied Gore.

"Sir, the Conn officer and chief engineer have arrived. They are ready to take their posts, said Chief Petty Officer Chuck Sonnenberg. Chuck Sonnenberg had wanted to be an officer, but do to political reasons (Chuck's father calling Riker a womanizing shit licker) he wasn't able to be an officer; however he was able to enlist. He took his job with pride and went up the ranks easily. "Thanks, Mr. Sonnenberg...and by the way, your will end in 30 seconds", replied Gore. Gore got out of his chair went to the bridge the Conn officer and chief engineer. "Welcome onboard the USS Sovereign, I'm Captain Jack Gore. Do any of you have questions?" Lieutenant Kell Perim asked, "We resigned from Starfleet, why are even here again?" Gore replied, "Starfleet needs experienced personnel so we reinstated you people with the recall clause, and anyways, did you not read the fine print about the recall clause when you signed the paperwork?" Perim responded, "Oh, I didn't notice that". Lieutenant Jim Peart face palmed because he ignored the fine print as did the newly promoted Lieutenant Commander Padraig Daniels. The crew took their stations in a dutiful manner. "Sir, everything is ready, we are clear to launch." said Lt. Cmdr. Diaz. "Good. Lt. Perim, take us out, one quarter impulse", ordered Gore. "Yes sir", Perim responded. The Sovereign's impulse engines brightened and the ship began moving out of the semblance of duranium and tritanium that had surrounded it for 15 months.

400,000 kilometers out, Gore ordered, "Set a course for Starbase 12, Warp 9.9". "Aye sir, Starbase at Warp 9.9", responded Perim. The ship jumped into warp, and began moving at 6,436,000,000 kilometers/sec towards Starbase 12. In engineering, CPO Sonnenberg was monitoring the Warp Core output to make sure it the output doesn't fluctuate too much. "Keep the plasma in the primary power transfer conduits below 56,000,000 million degrees or they'll rupture. We are operating at an output greater than anything else produced on a Sovereign-class Explorer. We are currently at an output of 25.5 billion Gigawatts. Even though that's 50 percent maximum output, we still have to constantly monitor it". Chuck was glad that after the Sovereign's chief engineer was aboard, he'd be heading back to Utopia Planitia. He was disdainful of working on a starship after being stuck on USS Voyager for seven years. He had been working at the Utopia Planitia Fleet Yards since he'd gotten back.

The USS Sovereign had been practically rebuilt in terms of repairs. The most of the interior of the ship had been burned severely, the plasma conduits were in completely destroyed, and all major systems needed replacing. In fifteen months, the Sovereign underwent a complete refit and repair. The Sovereign received new sensors like those aboard the Vesta-class, a new computer core, a warp core with a much greater output with an EPS grid designed to handle the increased output. The phasers were a newer version of the Type XII Phasers usually found on the Sovereign and Prometheus-class ships. The quantum torpedo turret was also upgraded to be able to fire six torpedoes per second. It was also outfitted with a much more powerful regenerative shield generator and new chromoceramic ablative armor. This had taken all of thirteen months, two weeks, and six days. Before the Sovereign, Gore had been in command of the Galaxy-class USS Dauntless NCC-71879 and had done several amazing mission including bringing refugees from the Pegasus Galaxy to the Milky Way and covering their escape from Tsuchinkth, the dominant power of the Pegasus Galaxy.

Lieutenant Falon Wriede had been one of the crew aboard the USS Enterprise-E until after the Tezwa Incident in mid 2379, he had transferred off the ship, but was requested to serve aboard the Sovereign by Captain Gore. As he monitored the operations console, he began reading through the interstellar database. He was reading about the Scimitar, and read several rumors. One of them was that the Scimitar was a Dominion warship that was captured by the Romulans and refitted. The USS Defiant NCC-74205 had recently confirmed that rumor when a Scimitar-type ship had been discovered defending the home world of the Founders. The only Scimitars in the Alpha/Beta Quadrants were those owned by both Romulan Empires: The Romulan Star Empire and Imperial Romulan State. He thought to himself, "This is very interesting to read, very interesting." Wriede thought to himself about how and when the Romulans stole the Scimitar. He then just assumed that it was taken after the Romulans had stolen after they joined the war.

Starbase 12

Several hours later, the Sovereign arrived at Starbase 12 to pick up the XO and Security Chief. Gore and the senior staff went to Transporter Room 1 to greet the new senior staff members. From Starbase 12, two people materialized on the transporter pad. One was a woman with auburn hair and emerald eyes in a MACO duty uniform, the other had short black hair and grey eyes in a standard Starfleet uniform. "Greetings, welcome aboard the USS Sovereign. I am the commanding officer of this starship, Captain Jack Gore. "This crew will unpack your stuff and you can begin your shifts tomorrow at 0700. Both women were glad to have some time to them and to get their bearings on where stuff was onboard the Sovereign.

Some of the senior staff was at the Sovereign's Bar and Grill which he had named the Glacier Brewhouse. Jim Peart and Kell Perim were in their quarters f**king like no tomorrow. Chuck was was in the Glacier Brewhouse talking with Saergant Winona Grayson about their mutual hatred of political pundit Pascal Fullerton while eating rhubarb cream cheese pie. Miguel Diaz was busy growing plants in his quarters with Daniels. Katelyn Vale was in the Glacier Brewhouse eating some fish and chips with some of her MACO "buddies". Commander Bates was busy eating some red jello while reviewing the crew reports.

"So what kind of bullshit do you think Pascal Fullerton will spew next from his 'conservative talking points'?", asked Winona. Chuck replied, "Probably something blaming gay people for the Typhon Pact. I wonder why Starfleet didn't execute him for his bullshit." Pascal Fullerton was the head of a Fundamentalist Megachurch and political pundit from the early 21st century who made Bill O'Reilly, Glenn Beck, Anne Coulter, Sean Hannity, and Alan Colmes all seem like Communists in comparison who had been sucked through a temporal rift and fund himself in the 24th century. Most people labelled him a nutjob and didn't listen to him out of spite. They then changed the subject to something involving shooting up a holographic Neelix.

Gore on the the hand on the holodeck fighting Klingons. He found a round and bashed it into the Klingon's nads. In excruciating pain, the Klingon howled in agony and fell. Gore then used the Russian Broadsword he had replicated last year to fight the Borg with and stabbed the Klingon in the neck, killing it instantly. Another klingon came up from behind and threw his bat'leth at Gore only to miss due to myopia. Gore then just stabbed the combatant and sliced through it up from the throat down through the anus. The final warrior charged towards the Canadian only to trip and fall on his own mek'leth killing him slowly. Afterwords, Gore left the holodeck and went to the infirmary to get his wounds treated. Gore remembered back to his academy days when Advanced Combat Training was a required course, but lamented that in 2362, it wasn't a required course at the academy.

5 days later

The Sovereign was 18 hours away from Xarantine. "Sir, we are getting a distress call from a cargo ship five minutes out. Putting it on audio.", said Lt. Perim. "This is Captain Brian Gore of the SS Valdez

I wonder what you people think of my rewritten version of Star Trek: Sovereign?

Finished reading it. I think you got a good start. But a few things I noticed which might improve it. One is to start a new paragraph after every speaker. It makes it easier on the eyes and easier to understand. Also it seemed to be progressing kind of rapidly. I liked how you had the characters at the start, which made it easier to follow. But overall it was kind of confusing because it was moving along so rapidly.

Overall I did like it though, I am interested in this two Romulan empire thing you got going and the origin of the Scimitar I liked too

Monroe wrote:Finished reading it. I think you got a good start. But a few things I noticed which might improve it. One is to start a new paragraph after every speaker. It makes it easier on the eyes and easier to understand. Also it seemed to be progressing kind of rapidly. I liked how you had the characters at the start, which made it easier to follow. But overall it was kind of confusing because it was moving along so rapidly.

Overall I did like it though, I am interested in this two Romulan empire thing you got going and the origin of the Scimitar I liked too

I'm using alot of references from the novels: Two Romulan Empires, references the Borg Invasion, and I'll use more. The Scimitar's origins however are completely my own. Here is a humorous end to Neelix:

Neelix found himself onboard a Borg Cube. The celadon lighting and humid climate inside the cube was making him have a nervous breakdown. Suddenly, four drones entered his holding cell and grabbed by the arms and legs. Neelix felt a surge of pain through his spine as he saw his skin tearing. Two minutes later, Neelix was a bloody mess on the floor.

haha poor guy

"Lieutenant Perim, change course to intercept the Valdez, increase speed to maximum.", ordered Captain Gore. Perim responded, "Yes sir, changing course and increasing speed". Kell Perim tapped on the LCARS interface and confirmed the command. Thirty seconds later, the Sovereign dropped out of warp 20 kilometers away from the BoP. The BoP changed its target and began firing on the Sovereign.

"Sir, no damage sustained from their alpha strike", stated Daniels. Gore replied, "Daniels, fire phasers the Bird of Prey". Daniels tapped his console and from the emitters of the phaser arrays, numerous beams of plasma began lashing out against the shields of the BoP. In a few shots, the BoP as drifting helpless without weapons, shields, sensors, impulse, or warp drive. "Sir, they have been completely disabled. MACOs are transporting over and capturing the ship.

IKS SIch'Tarq

Lt. Col. Vale ordered for contingent to began stunning the pirates on sight and several minutes later, the crew of the BoP was bound and placed in the Sovereign's brig. The crew of the SIch'Tarq turned out to be rogue Ferengi looking for an easy profit to earn. "Alright then take the helm and begin searching for any failsafes to disable", ordered Vale. Katelyn "Kaylee" Vale was a Lieutenant Colonel in the MACOs and had a track record of excellent service. Her sister Christine was the first officer of the USS Titan and had served onboard the USS Enterprise-E from 2376 to 2379 as chief of security and tactical officer. She remembered hearing about her sister's promotion to commander and her new position as first officer of the USS Titan. At the time, Kaylee had been a major and was impressed proud of her sister. She was then interrupted by her second in command, Captain Winona Freeman who reported, "Colonel, we have found no booby traps or anti intruder failsafes onboard. The self destruct isn't even present, it was replaced with contraband aboard; 100 percent pure Kemocite and ninety-six metric tons of it." Vale replied, "Good, we will have this ship impounded once we reach Xarantine and the kemocite destroyed."

SS Valdez

Captain Gore had decided to go aboard his brother's D'Kyr-class ship and see it first hand. One of the first things he noticed was that the transporter chief of the Valdez was sitting on a leather recliner instead of standing up like in a Starfleet vessel. His brother, Brian then entered the transporter room and greeted his brother Jack.

"How is life treating you Jack?", asked Brian in a cheerful tone. "I'm headed to Xarantine to pick up my chief engineer and CMO. I spent more than a year repairing and refitting the Sovereign. And I also have to head to Achernar Prime to send our new ambassador to the Imperial Romulan State. So life is treating me well, what are you carrying in here by the way?", replied Captain Gore. "Oh, I'm sending some Trill holo-pornography to Psi Octantis and 80 kilotons of it.", responded Brian Gore. Both of them laughed for a while and then ate some grilled salmon. Gore then transported back to the Sovereign. With that, both ships parted ways and headed to their respective destinations.

Xarantine
18 Hours Later

The Sovereign pulled into orbit of Xarantine and hailed the Starbase in orbit. "Greetings captain, we have everything ready to send over. We'll transport on your order. Starbase 14 out". "You can transport everyting onboard immediately", replied Gore. In the cargo rooms, supplies began materializing on the cargo transporter pads. In transporter Room 1, four people materialized: A human female with dark brown hair, a human male with gray hair, a Bajoran female with short black hair, and a Bajoran male with a mohawk. They immediately noticed that the senior staff wasn't present in the transporter room and walked to the bridge to meet the senior staff. En route they met CPO Chuck Sonnenberg who was heading to the transporter room.

"Hello, I'm Chief Petty Officer Chuck Sonnenberg. I'm taking the first transport back to Utopia Planitia seeing as how my being in charge of engineering for this week is now over. By the way, Captain Gore and the rest of the senior staff is probably on their way down here as...well speak of the devil, they're here", said Chuck.

Captain Gore and his senior staff made an abrupt stop and faced the new crew. "Hello, I'm Captain Jack Gore, commanding officer of this vessel. These are the rest of the senior staff", stated Gore in a cheerful tone, "They are Commander Laura Bates, Lieutenant Colonel Katelyn Vale, Lieutenant Commander Miguel Diaz, Lieutenant Commander Padraig Daniels, Lieutenant Falon Wriede, Lieutenant Jim Peart, and Lieutenant Kell Perim. And you people are?" The 300+ year old human male responded, "I'm Hugh Hefner, the new ambassador to Achernar Prime. These are Captain Elizabeth Richards, Lieutenant Commander Tiras Deval, and Ensign Kiska LoMar." The senior staff looked in awe at Hugh. Everyone wondered how the hell he was immortal and still managed to like he was in his seventies.

Over the comm, Lieutenant Kirsten Beyer in one of the cargo bays stated, "Captain, supplies have been loaded. We are ready to leave Xarantine." Gore replied, "That's fast." The young lieutenant promptly responded, "We used all of our transporters to send supplies directly into the cargo bays. We also used the transporters from the Rainier-class runabouts.", replied Lieutenant Beyer. "That's nice to hear Lieutenant", replied Gore. The senior staff then departed to the bridge with Huh Hefner heading to the medical ward for an examination to discover how he was immortal.


Bridge

"Ensign Kiska, take us out one-fifth impulse, then proceed to Achernar Prime at warp seven point two five", ordered Captain Gore. The young Bajoran ensign responded, "Yes sir, exiting starbase at one-fifth impulse." The Sovereign lurched in reverse out of the giant mushroom shaped station. After doing a a ninety degree turn in reverse, the Sovereign's impulse engines increased thrust and sent the Sovereign out of Xarantine Fleet Yards.

"Engaging Warp Drive at Warp 7.25 for Achernar Prime. ETA is 96 hours.", reported Kiska. Gore responded, "That's good to hear." Cmdr. Bates asked, "Sir, what exactly are we carrying to in our cargo bays?" Gore replied, "We're carrying replacement food replicators for the Federation embassy on Achernar Prime." Laura Bates replied, "Ah, that's nice to hear."

Zeta Trianguli Australis
Romulan Warbird Sortola
Day 22 of the Month of Kri'Brax 2382

"All ships, this is Admiral Sela commence operation Harpy", ordered Sela from her newly comissioned N'Renix-class battle cruiser and flagship the IRW Sortola. The fleet consisted of 35 warships of varying classes including the newly developed Shrike-class destroyer. One of the ships, a Mogai-class Warbird hailed the Sortola.

"This is Commander Valak of the IRW Rhigasra. The fleet is ready for the attack.", stated the aging commander Valak.

"Good, all ships get into formation, set course for the Imperial Romulan State planet Rhihil'rua at Warp 7", ordered Sela. The 35 ship fleet cloaked and warped to their target for conquest. In the 2 years since the formation of the Imperial Romulan State. Diplomatic Relations had been strained and were degrading almost continuously. Only 14 days earlier, the Romulan Star Empire declared war on Donatra's breakaway regime and attacked Xanitia with the help of the Breen only to be repelled by the planets hidden orbital defences. Operation Harpy was the Romulan plan to invade the Imperial Romulan State's primary shipyard and destroy it.

"Admiral, a federation battle cruiser is entering sensor", reported the operations officer of the Sortola. "Put it on screen", ordered Sela. The screen activated and the image of a Sovereign-class ship appeared. "It appears to be heading to Achernar Prime", stated the operations officer. Sela then replied, "It's of no consequence to our mission."

USS Sovereign
Deck 5
Dr. Richards' Quarters

Dr. Elizabeth Richards was working on creating a nude self portrait of herself that was apparently not turning out so well due to the difficult of looking in a mirror and painting at same time. She decided to give up on that endeavour and get some sleep. She had her replicated art supplies converted into energy and then let herself fall on her custom water bed. As she dosed off, she thought about the time she'd accidently reported to her shift wearing BDSM gear during red alert onboard the Intrepid-class USS Sagan NCC-75055 during the Battle of Laktar during the Dominion War. She laughed a bit and then fell asleep like a rock.

Lt. Daniels' Quarters

Lt. Padraig Daniels was having a wonderful time with his wife Siobhan were experimenting with psychadelic drugs like LSD and marjuana. "Hey look, I can see the air, it's all so significant!", exclaimed Siobhan. Daniels replied, "I know what you mean. Hey what if...the universe is like run...by a giant sentient pizza?" Both looked up to the ceiling and began attempting to comprehend the idea of an omnipotenent, sentient pizza controlling what happens in the universe. MIguel Diaz walked and saw the two staring blankly up at the ceiling and left. He overall, didn't give a damn about what he saw.

Holodeck

Hugh Hefner was in the holodeck watching several participants in his newest photoshoot for playboy magazine which was celebrating its 429th anniversary by hoping to get Donatra on the cover. There were several women present including Ensign Kiska LoMar who did it because she needed something to do during her off duty hours for a few hours. "Hello I'm Hugh Hefner, this is a photoshoot for Playboy's 2382 issue. Many of you are most likely wondering how I'm mortality challenged and I'll tell you. I was exposed to Tachyons and Metaphasic Radiation when I was in my thirties sand now I'm in my 450s. Anyways, back to the photoshoot, remember to have fun being a part of this", stated Hugh Hefner.

Bridge

Jack Gore was being dragged off the bridge by the guards at the turbolift doors back to his quarters because he'd fallen asleep on the bridge due to not having any downtime in 38 hours. The guards slowly dragged the captain down to his quarters on Deck 3 and placed him on the memory foam mattress that was his bed. "I hate this", said Ensign Heather Cain. "I hate having to carry the captain to his quarters also, but at least it isn't Admiral Adama we have to carry.", replied Lt jg. Grace Satterfield.

Romulan Fleet

"Admiral, we are approaching the Rhihil'rua system and will arrive at the second planet in nineteen minutes.", stated Sublieutenant G'Rek. "Good, after destroying the shipyards, we will bombard the planet.