www.ditl.org

I've known four. Two are toothless crack whores working the streets now. One is 34 with seven kids from different dads, although she is out of the game now and in recovery, and one was murdered, either by her pimp or a john gone bad.

My net's down so if you don't hear from me that's why. I'll try to log in occationally from the school.

Mark wrote:I've known four. Two are toothless crack whores working the streets now. One is 34 with seven kids from different dads, although she is out of the game now and in recovery, and one was murdered, either by her pimp or a john gone bad.

I know of at least two girls in our highschool that if they aren't already doing it...they will be soon.

For some reason these young idiots think it's cool.

Mark wrote:For some reason these young idiots think it's cool.

How bizarre. A decade goes by, and it's suddenly "okay" to be a slut, and it's "cool" to be ignorant. And, it's not just a US phenomenon. Look at the Chavs in the UK, for example.

For once, I honestly don't have an easy or acceptable solution.

Hi guys. I haven't been posting or reading anything for months. Nice to see that y'all are still here keeping things interesting.

I'm posting this because I'm going through a rough time with my girl. We're trying to figure out if we can make our relationship work, and if so, how (the HELL) to do it. I could fill volumes with all the thoughts going through my head right now, but I won't subject anybody here to that. Anyway, I would really like to hear from you about a few things:

1) Is there such a thing as true love? I mean, I've been with my girl for more than 4 years now - we've been engaged for almost 2.5, and living together for 3 - and I've never been 100% sure about us, even though there were times when I really thought I was. What if we're a great match, but I just can't settle down and let myself be content? I am famously indecisive. Or, what if there's no such thing as true love, or being 100% sure, and by breaking up with her I'm letting go of a wonderful person, and maybe my best chance at happiness.

2) She's been trying to get me to take antidepressants for a long time. I haven't yet, but I did take some mild anti anxiety meds for a while, at her suggestion. I just can't shake the notion that she's trying to change me, or that she can't accept me for who I am. Maybe I do need antidepressants - I've been in some really low places in the past. But I want her to be able to accept me for better or worse (like in those wedding vows). She is aware that I feel this way, and she says she understands why I'm afraid to try them, and why I'm uncomfortable with her suggesting that I take them, yet she persists because she feels that it will actually help me be happier. And it might be the only thing that can save our relationship, apparently.

3) I know that in love, you have to compromise. You have to be prepared for imperfection, and you have to be keep an open mind when your partner has an issue with you. But how do you know when you've crossed the line, and are compromising too often? I often feel like I let too many things slide with my girl. However, I've gradually started to speak up more when I have an issue with her. She says that I rarely give her the benefit of the doubt, and I when I don't know why she's done something, I usually assume the worst/most selfish reasoning was the case. I don't know where I'm going, other than I'm confused and I wanted to vent.

She is a kind, caring person who, nevertheless has some faults. She absolutely wants me to be happy, and I want the same for her. I am really afraid to lose her. I'm afraid to be alone, and most afraid of giving up on something I've worked so hard on. Anyways, I know you all don't know me much, so it might be a little strange to hear all this on a Star Trek forum, but I think that's part of why I'm saying all of this here. My family and RL friends all know me, and are biased in their counseling. I've been hearing from them that she shouldn't try to make me take antidepressants, and that I should find someone who will love me for who I am. I'm hoping to maybe find some less biased views here, where nobody knows me that well. Of course, you're totally only hearing my side of the story... At any rate, I appreciate any advice or stories you might have.

I'll go ahead and break my response into segments, because they're easier to digest that way.

Grundig wrote:1) Is there such a thing as true love?

Yes, absolutely.

Grundig wrote:...being 100% sure...

Nope, not when it comes to love. *shrug*

Grundig wrote:and by breaking up with her I'm letting go of a wonderful person, and maybe my best chance at happiness.

If you're considering breaking up, you already have doubts. Now the question becomes: Are your doubts justified? Do you have sufficient grievances to doubt, or are your own insecurities getting in the way of your rational mind?

Grundig wrote:2) She's been trying to get me to take antidepressants for a long time. I haven't yet, but I did take some mild anti anxiety meds for a while, at her suggestion. I just can't shake the notion that she's trying to change me, or that she can't accept me for who I am. Maybe I do need antidepressants - I've been in some really low places in the past. But I want her to be able to accept me for better or worse (like in those wedding vows). She is aware that I feel this way, and she says she understands why I'm afraid to try them, and why I'm uncomfortable with her suggesting that I take them, yet she persists because she feels that it will actually help me be happier. And it might be the only thing that can save our relationship, apparently.

Nobody wants to be with a person who is perpetually depressed (or a lunatic, apparently! We must make ourselves better for ourselves; only then can we make other people's lives brighter!). She may feel insulted that her presence and influence on your life hasn't made you happier. I'd suggest Valarian Root; it's worked for me very well so far. I haven't touched a Xanax in almost a year, and I don't have panic attacks anymore. The depression is something I feel can only be solved from within.

Grundig wrote:3) I know that in love, you have to compromise.

Be careful there; you must always compromise when dealing with other people's feelings, but not if it compromises your core ethics or ideals (I'm also talking to myself on that one).

Grundig wrote:She is a kind, caring person who, nevertheless has some faults.

Everyone does. Looking for a "perfect" person is like trying to find a perfectly cube-shaped planet. Not going to happen.

Grundig wrote:She absolutely wants me to be happy, and I want the same for her.

This is great; I can relate to that.

Grundig wrote:I am really afraid to lose her. I'm afraid to be alone, and most afraid of giving up on something I've worked so hard on.

Don't let your fear cause you to lose her. I've made that mistake, and you feel like an idiot later.

Grundig wrote:Anyways, I know you all don't know me much, so it might be a little strange to hear all this on a Star Trek forum, but I think that's part of why I'm saying all of this here. My family and RL friends all know me, and are biased in their counseling. I've been hearing from them that she shouldn't try to make me take antidepressants, and that I should find someone who will love me for who I am. I'm hoping to maybe find some less biased views here, where nobody knows me that well. Of course, you're totally only hearing my side of the story... At any rate, I appreciate any advice or stories you might have.

DITL isn't just a Star Trek forum; that's part of why I love this place so much. And, I don't need to know you "personally" to empathize with your situation.

I hope something I just said helps in some way.

Tsukiyumi wrote:If you're considering breaking up, you already have doubts. Now the question becomes: Are your doubts justified? Do you have sufficient grievances to doubt, or are your own insecurities getting in the way of your rational mind?

Great point. I'm afraid I might be letting my insecurities get in the way, but it's very difficult to see things objectively. That's why I'm trying to get advice.

Tsukiyumi wrote:Nobody wants to be with a person who is perpetually depressed

This is also a good point. I don't feel that I'm perpetually depressed. In fact, when she broke the news to me that she thinks we should consider breaking up, I had been feeling pretty decent, relatively speaking. What seems to be bothering her is the way I react to some of the things she does. That I sometimes don't give her the benefit of the doubt, which I can admit to. Is that from depression though? Maybe there's another source for my mistrust? You probably can't tell me that, though.

Tsukiyumi wrote: We must make ourselves better for ourselves

QFT.

Tsukiyumi wrote:Looking for a "perfect" person is like trying to find a perfectly cube-shaped planet.

No, of course not. I was just saying that as a simplistic summary of how I feel about her.

We both want each other to be happy, and we're not angry at each other at all right now, which is nice in some ways, but scary considering that we're possibly going to break up. Maybe we'll be happier with other partners... Maybe we can work it out. But if it involves me trying antidepressants (Valarian Root you say? I'll have to research it), that will take a while to do, meanwhile, we'll be sitting in limbo, living in our brand new apartment, our stuff not even unpacked

You've helped alot. Thank you Tsu, you're wise beyond your years!

has she explained precisely what she wants from you? perhaps talking with her as to exactly what she would like from you might be able to make it easier for you to meet her requests.

She wants me to give her more benefit of the doubt. Trust her more (and I feel this way about her... funny, that). But more than that, she's asking if I'm happy in the relationship, and if I want to stay with her.

Trust is the one that immediately takes my notice. You have to trust her completely, for you it to work. trust is something that is essential to the relationship, If you she feels that you dont trust her enough...You gotta ask, do you?

Grundig wrote:Hi guys. I haven't been posting or reading anything for months. Nice to see that y'all are still here keeping things interesting.

I;m just gonna break this down for ease of reading.

I'm posting this because I'm going through a rough time with my girl. We're trying to figure out if we can make our relationship work, and if so, how (the HELL) to do it. I could fill volumes with all the thoughts going through my head right now, but I won't subject anybody here to that. Anyway, I would really like to hear from you about a few things:

1) Is there such a thing as true love? I mean, I've been with my girl for more than 4 years now - we've been engaged for almost 2.5, and living together for 3 - and I've never been 100% sure about us, even though there were times when I really thought I was. What if we're a great match, but I just can't settle down and let myself be content? I am famously indecisive. Or, what if there's no such thing as true love, or being 100% sure, and by breaking up with her I'm letting go of a wonderful person, and maybe my best chance at happiness.

IMO, there isn't. You find someone you get on with and you make it work. Something that isn't advertised about relationships is they require a lot of effort, some more then others.

2) She's been trying to get me to take antidepressants for a long time. I haven't yet, but I did take some mild anti anxiety meds for a while, at her suggestion. I just can't shake the notion that she's trying to change me, or that she can't accept me for who I am. Maybe I do need antidepressants - I've been in some really low places in the past. But I want her to be able to accept me for better or worse (like in those wedding vows). She is aware that I feel this way, and she says she understands why I'm afraid to try them, and why I'm uncomfortable with her suggesting that I take them, yet she persists because she feels that it will actually help me be happier. And it might be the only thing that can save our relationship, apparently.

I would suggest you actually see a doctor about it, they are best qualified to decide. I will say this though, if you are depressed sometimes it feels like someones efforts to help are them "trying to change you."

3) I know that in love, you have to compromise. You have to be prepared for imperfection, and you have to be keep an open mind when your partner has an issue with you. But how do you know when you've crossed the line, and are compromising too often? I often feel like I let too many things slide with my girl. However, I've gradually started to speak up more when I have an issue with her. She says that I rarely give her the benefit of the doubt, and I when I don't know why she's done something, I usually assume the worst/most selfish reasoning was the case. I don't know where I'm going, other than I'm confused and I wanted to vent.

Honestly, I think you might want to consider seeing a relationship counsellor. At the very least they can put things into perspective for you and maybe give you a point of view you haven't considered. It's also nice to have someone look at things that is impartial.

She is a kind, caring person who, nevertheless has some faults. She absolutely wants me to be happy, and I want the same for her. I am really afraid to lose her. I'm afraid to be alone, and most afraid of giving up on something I've worked so hard on. Anyways, I know you all don't know me much, so it might be a little strange to hear all this on a Star Trek forum, but I think that's part of why I'm saying all of this here. My family and RL friends all know me, and are biased in their counseling. I've been hearing from them that she shouldn't try to make me take antidepressants, and that I should find someone who will love me for who I am. I'm hoping to maybe find some less biased views here, where nobody knows me that well. Of course, you're totally only hearing my side of the story... At any rate, I appreciate any advice or stories you might have.

Maybe you should look at what you get out of the relationship vs what you think you should get or deserve. It's natural to have doubts but sometimes you do need to take a critical look at your relationship, maybe it's not what you really want, maybe your getting screwed or maybe your just not all that compatible.

Mark wrote:For some reason these young idiots think it's cool.

...they think its cool to be a whore?

Grundig wrote:1) Is there such a thing as true love?

Yes.

My new camera lens, and what it looks like on my camera It's a pro class zoom lens with 100-400mm focal lengths. It cost be £850 on eBay (about $1377) .