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Hope you're both doing okay, Mikey and Tsuki.

Mikey, I can't imagine what it must be like to deal with that every day. Here's to you, man.

Tsu, I'm really sorry about your tragic news.

Your issues dwarf mine for sure... but anyway, I'm on here because I have to gripe a bit, and I hope you guys can indulge me... Beware, I'm about to emotionally barf all over the place!

Ok, so I play with a Dixieland group, and tonight we're having our debut gig in San Francisco at a hip club. We don't go on til 10:30pm though and my fiancee has to work the next morning. She was originally planning on going anyway, which I would have really appreciated, but a couple things have come about that really bother me. First of all, she also planned an entire day of visiting friends that involved hours of driving, when she knew the gig was important to me. She did say she could make it, but that she was gonna have to bring her friend along, which was fine with me; the more the merrier! But, it turns out the friend gets up at 5AM every morning, so now my girl doesn't know if she can even come. Now, she knows this particular gig is important to me; normally I try to be understanding of the fact that she can't come to all of my performances. But it really bothers me that she would plan an entire exhausting day in front of my concert, when she knows that by 10 she's going to be ready for bed. Anyways, she knows how I feel, and she's going to 'see what she can do.' She's not completely insensitive, but damn it, I often feel like she doesn't have the time or energy to really take my feelings/needs into consideration. I know I can be a needy guy. After four years, I'm sure she knows it too! I feel like this kind of thing shouldn't be a surprise to her. It's just another straw on the camel's back, you know? I love her very much, but I continue to feel pretty distant from her most of the time.

Other issues include our love life (which has not improved at all since I whined about it on here several months ago), and our plans to get married - they're on hold indefinitely, because she now gets serious anxiety when she thinks about it. Of course, I'm finding myself unsure of the whole marriage thing too, for the reasons I'm currently complaining about. But her point of view has shifted to "I still love you, and I'm never going to leave you... I just don't value marriage the way that most people do." Even when we were trying to plan and set a date, she wanted me to take the reigns. It's like, uh, no, how about we get married together?

Meanwhile, she still wears the engagement ring and shares our apartment, and asks for massages, and will kiss me when I ask for it (though rarely at her request). Sometimes I feel that there's a mutual feeling of warmth and love in our relationship, that we're going to be OK, but other times it honestly feels like I just have a really close roommate, and that we're both afraid to think about breaking up because we don't want to be alone. Maybe I'm looking for an unhealthy amount of closeness (though I don't think so), or maybe this is what everyone means when they say that relationships naturally cool down over time. But we've been working very hard on our relationship, although recently things have sort of been on autopilot. We've been to counseling. I've been to a psychiatrist. She's found medications that help her deal with her serious anxiety but also kill her sex drive completely. It feels like there's nothing left to do except settle.

I'm not dumping this here hoping for y'all to solve my problems. I just need to vent my frustrations in a place that's isolated from the rest of my life. I can talk to my family about some of this, but they're not going to be partial. They'll be worried about me. Anyways... Woe is me, boo hoo, all that crap.

Wait, hold on... I think I here something coming... Yep, it's the Waaaaaambulance!

Oh shit just saw Mikey's thing about being diabetic. That really sucks :-/

Tsuki, hope you're feeling ebtter. Monroe, sorry to hear about those morons crushing your computer. I know how delicate those things can be.

Well... I just got back from my cousin's wedding. My mother performed the ceremony-she's a justice of the peace-and it was very nice. Good food at the reception, too.

Monroe, how'd the 4000 handheld turn out when you took it out of the water?

Grundig, please don't take this the wrong way............but isn't your girl kind of acting like us guys are expected to act with that fear of commitment thing? From what I've found, there is usually something going on with women when they tend to act like us (stereotypical men) that can prove very badly in the end.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled show.

Grundig - been married only 10 years (as of May 29) so I'm not the world's expert at relationships - and I don't know anything about whatever meds she's on. But I will say that it sounds to me as if there is a degree of complacency or comfort going on. Since we have new infant in the house along with our four-year-old, the few moments that we do go to spend intimately - not just talking about actual sex - are so much more meaningful than when we had all the time in the world and just ended up sleeping next to each other with the last half of a movie still playing.

Some people do just believe in commitment without official marriage. But you need to determine what you want a/o what you can live with, and discuss it candidly with her. I understand your frustration about the gig, but pushing her on it will likely lead to some variation of "You only care about what you want." When and if you get a chance, try changing something up - a weekend trip to a new destination, an appointment for a massage for each of you, a dimly-lit bath with candles and cocktails (jasmine-scented candles work very well - NOT vanilla!,) even if you just get a bottle of oil and treat her to a massage yourself. A simple change can shake up that feeling of inertia.

I won't be on much at all in the coming weeks. Its complicated. Though Nick will keep me updated on anything important (someone gets banned, etc).

And he'll tell me when FTF starts so I can keep up. Shouldn't be too hard to be on at least 5 minutes a day.

stitch626 wrote:I won't be on much at all in the coming weeks. Its complicated. Though Nick will keep me updated on anything important (someone gets banned, etc).

And he'll tell me when FTF starts so I can keep up. Shouldn't be too hard to be on at least 5 minutes a day.

No one will be banned, don't be ridiculous =P Wait, can we ban Graham for always being right?

So where exactly is Teaos lately? I'm used to reading his posts regularly and the quantity is down lately.

And on a completely different note, almost stepped on this little guy the other day. One of the many running around the yard. Note the Firefly T-Shirt =)

Bryan Moore wrote:So where exactly is Teaos lately? I'm used to reading his posts regularly and the quantity is down lately.

IIRC, he's on holiday somewhere.

He's been on Holiday more since December than he's been back.

Another court date moved out. Apparently right to a speedy trial is very subjective.

Well just recieved by new 40" Full HD Sony tv. My mac mini is now hooked up at 1920 x 1080 and look awesome. Now looking for a surround sound system to hook up to it.

Sweet set up, you can pick up a pretty good surround sound system on ebay for pretty cheap, my Brother got a 2k one for about $300. In perfect shape to since sound systems dont really degrade through time.