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Good to hear you had a good time.

Awww good you used your time well

Oy....right. Well, about an hour ago I got an e-mail that drudged up some old and craptastic family business, namely to do with my aunt who now lives in the US. I need to vent a bit, and this thread is about what's happening in our lives, so you lucky lot get to hear about how screwed up my family is. Rejoice.

Right, all this starts about two decades ago, with my Aunt Jane. When I was still a kid, my aunt met a guy who was on holidays from the US. He was over for a month, and she fell in love with him. They got into a relationship, and he temporarily moved into an appartment nearby us.

Now, things were fine for about two to three months after he moved over here. She moved into the apartment with him, and seemed to be quite happy. After a while she stopped calling us or comming over to see us, so we started to wonder why she'd dropped off contact with the family. My grandfather (her father) decided to pay an unanounced visit to the apartment to check that she was alright. She was less than pleased to see him, and even less pleased when he noticed what he said were bruises on her arms and one black eye. She made up some BS excuses as to why they were there, though the real reason was quite clear: her boyfriend was abusing her. However, she refused to come home, claiming that it had been a misunderstanding and that everything was going to be fine.

Not one to fall for such crap, my grandfather tried to get some legal action against the asshole. However, nothing could be done as my aunt refused to testify against her abusive boyfriend. The case collapsed, and my grandfather's actions just drove her closer to her boyfriend, who continued to abuse her.

About a week after the legal action fell apart, she phoned us to let us know that she was moving to America with her boyfriend. Her parents advised her not to go, her brothers and sisters advised her not to go, even her friends (who hadn't even heard about the fact that he was abusive) advised her not to go. As you can probably guess, she didn't listen to anyone. She moved back to the US with him, and a few months later they got married.

After this followed a period of about two years where we completely lost contact with her. Not so much as a single letter or phone call. We didn't know if she was still married, if she had kids, or even what state she lived in. For all we knew, she could have been dead.
Then about two years later my grandmother got a phonecall. It was Auntie Jane. Well, we were so relieve to hear from her we never once mentioned him. The story was that she was living in New York City, and was just fine and "happily" married.

After this followed another couple of years of silence. Then one day Granny gets a call from Aunt Jane, who is distraught and in tears. Her husband had hung himself, and she had been the first one to find his body.
Naturaly, we all felt sorry that she had to go through such an ordeal, though were all pleased the asshole got what was coming to him. We asked her did she want to move back to Ireland, and my Grandmother even offered to let her have her old room back until she could get a place of her own. She declined, saying that she'd rather stay in America. She also revealed that she had two two-year old children, which none of us had known about.

After this she kept in touch with us a bit, calling my Grandmother every few months to let her know she was alright. To give you the jist of it: she kept fucking her life up at every possible chance by making the worst possible decision. For example; just a couple months ago we heard that her latest boyfriend, a Mexican immigrant, had been imprisoned. For beating her.

Well, that's pretty much her story. She threw her life away because she was too stupid to see an abusive lunatic for what he really was, and is now working at Wall-Mart (I think).

So, how does this relate to me right now? Well, yesterday evening I got an e-mail from someone I'd never heard of before. Let's call him Aiden. Basicaly, he sent me an e-mail which went along the lines of "Hi, how are you, remember me?"
I was about to dismiss this as one of those scams, but e-mailed him back with a message along the lines of "Who are you?".
About an hour or so ago, I got a reply from him, which basicaly stated "You don't remember me, [Rochey]? I'm your cousin, Aiden. You know, [Lunatic asshole]'s son."

What. The. Fuck.

Now, I've never so much as seen this guy's photograph before, but he included some stuff that pretty much verified that he was who he claimed to be. So now I'm wondering what the hell I should do. The two kids went off to live with Mr. Lunatic Asshole's parents after the guy commited suicide (why they didn't stay with their mother, I have no idea), and from his tone he sounds just as arrogant and assholeish as his father.
I suppose I'll reply to him, just to be polite, but I really don't have any interest in getting to know him, or letting him know anything about me. I've put all that crap behind me, and don't want any more part in all the crap that's going on in that family.

Well, that's my ranting done, and I'm sure you're all relieve to hear I'm finished rambling. In summary: my family is fucked up. And this is nowhere near the worst of it.

Well, if it's any comfort, EVERYONE'S family is screwy somehow. I am very sorry to hear that your aunt fell into an all-too-common pattern of staying in/returning to an abusive relationship, and to hear how it affected her life even after that particular bit of it was over. I can't fathom why the kids didn't stay with their mother, unless the situation either caused her to pick up some unwholesome habits; left her struggling enough to not be able to provide satisfactorily; or they were an unrelenting reminder of their father. My sister-in-law was in a similar situation, but thank G-d she has now married a truly decent man who treats her kids as his own.

Aiden? Technically, he is your cousin - perhaps a feeler cast out by way of friendship couldn't hurt. You're an ocean away... if he is an a**hole as you predict, then no harm, no foul.

I'm glad to hear your sister-in-law got out of that and into a nicer relationship. That sorta thing can't be easy.

Well, if it's any comfort, EVERYONE'S family is screwy somehow.

Oh, man, you have honestly no idea what my family's like.

My entire family on my father's side consider me an arrogant, elitist, stuck-up snob because I decided not to follow in the family tradition of working on a farm, and instead went to the best college in the country to study for a degree. The only ones on that side of the family who still like me are my father, and one of my cousins who I've always had a good friendship with.

Things are just slightly better on my mother's side. My uncle hates me passionately for the simple fact that I was born (Seriously, that's why. He was still a teen when I was born, so I "took" all the attention away from him.). Most of the rest of the redneck wannabes have serious issues with me because I'm atheist/socialist/bisexual/whatever, including my mother who called me an "embarresment to the family". The only one's on that side of the family who still like me are my Grandmother and Grandfather, despite them being quite conservative and right-wing.

As for my siblings, I get on well with my brother Jake who's just fine and also moved out of the ass-end of nowhere (AKA, rural Galway) to Dublin a few years after I did. But my sister Ciara also has issues with me over the whole atheist/socialist/bisexual/whatever bit, and has early-onset Alzheimers and has attempted to commit siucide twice.

I tell you, it's just such fun when the whole family meets up together for dinner on Christmass.

I know, I'm ranting, I'm sorry, I'll stop now.

Aiden? Technically, he is your cousin - perhaps a feeler cast out by way of friendship couldn't hurt. You're an ocean away... if he is an a**hole as you predict, then no harm, no foul.

You're right. I'll send him an e-mail later tonight, see what he's like. If he turns out like I think he will, then I can cut off contact pretty easily. If he turns out to be alright, then I'll keep in contact.

Go ahead, rant. If someone doesn't want to read it... well, that's what thumbwheels are for.

Good point. Still, I doubt anyone's interested in reading my semi-coherent ramblings about my own problems, so I won't foist them on anyone. Besides, I'm over all that anyway. After almost ten years of that stuff, it gets to the point where it doesn't really bother you anymore.

That's the best way to deal with it. My wife still gets bent thinking about her older brother who moved to Florida, cut off almost all familial contact, and even returned our wedding invitation - ripped into small bits with a bit of hate-mail included. To my way of thinking, it's just one more a**hole that I don't have to deal with.

Exactly. If my family members have some problem with my choice of lifestyle, they're entitled to their opinions. Just don't try to browbeat me about it, or I'll quickly turn the tables, even against my most "sucessful" relatives. The only folks in my family who still back me up are my grandmother and my mom. Everyone else is like what you described, Rochey: they disagree with my decisions, and generally only vaguely conceal their contempt at best.

My advice: don't let it bother you. I have friends who are better people than some of my family, and I consider them to be my real family.

Oh, yeah. We have Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving to get through every year. Loads of fun. This Easter, my uncle asked me what I'm doing now (I'm a bit tired of that discussion), and I told him, in a completely serious tone, " I'm working on a perpetual motion machine." I'm not a kid, I'm nearly thirty, and I don't need anyone judging my life choices anymore.

I have Easter, Christmas, and Thanksgiving with the in-laws, and Passover, Chanukah, Rosh Hashanah, and Yom Kippur with my (blood) family. I thoroughly enjoy the formermore than the latter - my in-laws tend to be much less judgemental, be more interested in televised sporting events, have better and more food, and be far more serious about their drinking.

Rant away, Rochey. Sounds like hell, there.

And your father's side of the family... right. *Rolls eyes*

Most people families have issues. Sounds like your aunt made some crappy choices but that your family did pretty much everything they could do to help.

You step cousin contacting you seems odd to me. I'd reply but be very cautious about it. Could be some sort of scam. How did he get your email?

ON the crappy family relation front... I believe the worst thing that happened in our was about two years ago at a family gathering. It came out that me and two of my brother are atheist/libertarian/non-conformers (their idea of non conformity is not wearing polo shirts and doing anything illegal).

Well long story short me and my two brothers end up back to back each hold some makeshift weapon after I had thrown one of my cousins through a window and my brother had knocked our uncle out. Good times.

Well, as for my family, my youngest brother Chris' apartment burned to the ground, and lost everything but the clothes on his back, all because of some rectal orifice falling asleep with a cigarette. Fortunately, no one was killed, but there were some injuries. He found a small house for him and his girlfriend, and now they're starting all over again.
My sister, Kathleen, is kinda like your aunt, Rochey, except she has multiple personality disorder, and the abuse wasn't toward her, but my nephews, ages 4 and 2 at the time. She married him for like 5 years, but his abuse on the boys finally came to light when the oldest came out of his room when my parents were visiting them and yelled at the top of his lungs that he was tired of him "putting his pee-pee in his butt." My dad told me about it and I was dancing a freakin' jig. When he got out on probation, he went to Kathleen's and, like an idiot, she helped him out by letting him use the car and giving him money, but even more stupid is that she let him near the kids again. Because of it, Child Protective Services of Arkansas took them away from her, and put them in a foster home with the possibility of adoption. My parents tried to adopt them but were deemed too old, so now my dad's applying for membership to the Cherokee Nation for assistance, which is open to those with up to 1/32 Cherokee. My dad is 1/8, and has proof by reservation records and birth records. If my dad is successful, then they will deal with different social workers, different everything, so because the kids are of Cherokee lineage, they will be taken from foster care to (at least temporarily) stay with my mom and dad until everything is sorted out. Here's hoping.
Boy, I can see why you like to rant, Rochey. It feels good to get it off your chest.

God, I'm tired of people like that breathing our air...

My family is fine, though my sister and I have had a rocky history (apparently I was a murderer because I was a soldier). My in-laws however are another story. My mother in law is very Catholic, to the extent that when my wife and I were dating she issued an ultimatium that if I wanted to date her I had to go to mass with them on Easter. So I went and slept through it. Later when I knocked my wife up (we weren't married yet) she pushed for marriage and we had the kids baptised to shut her up. She never really forgave me for getting my wife pregnant nor the hell I put them through for seven years with my PTSD. When my wife was having a hard time when I was at a low point she would slip in that she would feel better if she went to church. And that we should consider Catholic school from a "moral perspective".

She's been put in her place now though, I told her a few weeks ago that she had no say in how the kids are raised and that I consider her faith to be an obselete relic.