What would the "Warp Formula" look like if...

[Mikey]

Very good, if you don't adopt a Skinner-type view or a psychobiological one. However, in that psychoanalytical frame of reference, we're still not talking about neuroses or personality disorders - we're talking about being miserable drips with no common sense.

[Sionnach Glic]

In other words, "morons".

[kostmayer]

"Captain, the crews agitation levels just rose suddenly"
"Thats because you're at the helm"

[Mikey]

My fave was this (not an actual dialog, but representative of many) -

*mobs of crewmen run around screaming in panic*
"Captain, I sense a certain degree of fear among the crew."

Just once, I'd have liked to see Picard say, "Really? Do you think so? Is that your evolved Betazoid empathic sensibility kicking in?"

[Sionnach Glic]

Or how about the numerous times we get

Worf: "Unknown ship is arming weapons."

Picard: "Hail them."

Worf: "No response....they're opening fire!"

*Boom!*

Troi: "Captain, I sense hostility...."

[Mikey]

"Thank you counselor. I'd never have guessed."

[Sionnach Glic]

What I wouldn't give to just hear Picard say something like that.

[Lt. Staplic]

he's pretending to be a frenchman, he can't say anything that might be remotly skewed as being even possably negative.

[Captain Picard's Hair]

he's pretending to be a frenchman, he can't say anything that might be remotly skewed as being even possably negative.

So instead of "we've retreated with our tails tucked between our legs" they'd say "We escaped the battle alive!" and have a celebration? </DITL>

[Lt. Staplic]

no it'd be more like instead of saying "we were too afraid to fight" it'd be "The fortitude of our courage was supirior to what actions we were doing at the time while beneath the scummish actions of that which we weren't doing"

[Captain Picard's Hair]

That's not positive, that's gibberish (or is it gobbledygook? I always get them confused )

[Lt. Staplic]

no it's a confusing way of saying a negative thing.

kind of like saying: rapidly expanding force utilizing compresion, thermalization and radiation to accomplish means that aren't completely effective at preserving or improving the status of the area which has been selected for the utilization of the majestic device.

instead of saying: it's a nuclear bomb.

[Mark]

And why the hell does she have a chair on the "command deck"? I mean, wouldn't that seat be better served by an officer who, I don't know, DOES something?

[Lt. Staplic]

well from what I know of the bridge design the third chair she uses is there as the "consultant chair"

i.e. the mission specialist, VIP gest, Chief Science Officer, or Captains advisor sits there.

[Captain Picard's Hair]

Why is she on the bridge so much anyway? Shouldn't she be counseling?