Re: The Joke Thread
Posted: Fri Mar 14, 2014 9:02 pm
Most of those, i got. Admittedly, some I didn't. But the ones I did? 
Any one in particular?Angharrad wrote:I don't get it.
Page 121 of 143
Re: The Joke Thread
Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2014 1:04 am
Re: The Joke Thread
Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2014 7:09 pm
About half of them.GrahamKennedy wrote:Any one in particular?Angharrad wrote:I don't get it.
Re: The Joke Thread
Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2014 12:13 am
Which half?Angharrad wrote:About half of them.GrahamKennedy wrote:Any one in particular?Angharrad wrote:I don't get it.
Re: The Joke Thread
Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2014 6:06 pm
The left half.Sonic Glitch wrote:Which half?Angharrad wrote:
About half of them.
Re: The Joke Thread
Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2014 6:46 am
Spsst, Angaharrad, top or bottom.....half. 
Re: The Joke Thread
Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2014 12:28 am
11 and 12Graham Kennedy wrote:Any one in particular?Angharrad wrote:I don't get it.
Re: The Joke Thread
Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2014 6:16 am
11. unionized could be pronounced union-ized or un-ionized depending on if it's a plumber or chemist respectively.
12. 31 in base 8 is the same number as 25 in base 10.
12. 31 in base 8 is the same number as 25 in base 10.
Re: The Joke Thread
Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 1:47 am
Ok thanks.
Re: The Joke Thread
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 2:34 pm
Q: Why can't you hear a psuchiatrist going to the bathroom?
A: Because the "P" is silent!
A: Because the "P" is silent!
Re: The Joke Thread
Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2014 12:30 pm
Apparently, California has the highest rate of Depression and Adultery in the US. It's a sad State of affairs.
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I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision!
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So sad America ranks 25th in the world in math. But at least we're still in the top 10!
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Nice try, but I'll believe a salad is "to die for" when a convict chooses one for his last meal.
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I finally found a diet plan that works. It's called 'The Cost of Food'.
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Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together, but only one of them knows it.
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I broke up with my gym. We were just not working out.
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My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things. But I laugh more.
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That whole 'I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine' thing doesn't work so well with cats.
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The recipe said "Set the oven to 180 degrees," so I did, but now I can't open it because the door faces the wall.
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Intelligence is like underwear. It's important that you have it but there's no need to show it off.
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The cashier told me "Strip down, facing me." How was I to know she meant my debit card?
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I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision!
---
So sad America ranks 25th in the world in math. But at least we're still in the top 10!
---
Nice try, but I'll believe a salad is "to die for" when a convict chooses one for his last meal.
---
I finally found a diet plan that works. It's called 'The Cost of Food'.
---
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together, but only one of them knows it.
---
I broke up with my gym. We were just not working out.
---
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things. But I laugh more.
---
That whole 'I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine' thing doesn't work so well with cats.
---
The recipe said "Set the oven to 180 degrees," so I did, but now I can't open it because the door faces the wall.
--
Intelligence is like underwear. It's important that you have it but there's no need to show it off.
--
The cashier told me "Strip down, facing me." How was I to know she meant my debit card?
Re: The Joke Thread
Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2014 12:13 pm
The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk.
Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland. It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.
The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and
ask his advice. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away," they said. "If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking,
"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland.
"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Scotland?
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:
"My wife is from Scotland..."
Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland. It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.
The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and
ask his advice. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away," they said. "If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking,
"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland.
"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Scotland?
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:
"My wife is from Scotland..."
Re: The Joke Thread
Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2014 2:59 pm
A man is in bed with his wife, he asks her if she wants to have sex.
"No."
"Is that your final answer?"
"Yes."
"Can I phone a friend?"
"No."
"Is that your final answer?"
"Yes."
"Can I phone a friend?"
Re: The Joke Thread
Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2014 9:33 pm
Re: The Joke Thread
Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2014 8:16 pm
A psychologist is making his rounds in a psych ward when he comes upon two roommates - one is sawing imaginary wood, while the other is hanging upside-down from the ceiling. "What are you up to?" the shrink asks the first patient.
"Oh, just some carpentry," replies the first patient.
"What's he doing?" the doctor asks, pointing at the second patient hanging from the ceiling.
"Don't mind him, he just thinks h's a light bulb," answers the first patient.
The psychologist pauses, then asks, "Don't you think you ought to convince him to come down before he gets hurt?"
The first patient looks incredulous for a moment, then answers, "How am I supposed to finish my work in the dark?"
"Oh, just some carpentry," replies the first patient.
"What's he doing?" the doctor asks, pointing at the second patient hanging from the ceiling.
"Don't mind him, he just thinks h's a light bulb," answers the first patient.
The psychologist pauses, then asks, "Don't you think you ought to convince him to come down before he gets hurt?"
The first patient looks incredulous for a moment, then answers, "How am I supposed to finish my work in the dark?"