The Joke Thread

[Lt. Staplic]

I've heard the same joke with "Ixxx" in there for whatever interstate is closest instead of A13

[Angharrad]

For all the men on here, a warning:

Older Man Scam . . .

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works; Two nice looking, college-age girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.

You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen Aug. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, again on the 17th, 20th, 24th, and the 29th. Also Sept. 1st, 4th, 8th, twice on the 16th & 17th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Store and bought them out in three of their stores.

Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Wal-Mart.

So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)

[Angharrad]

A man was found dead in his home over the weekend. Detectives at the scene
found the man face down in his bathtub. The tub had been filled with milk, sugar and cornflakes.
A banana was sticking out of his butt.

Police suspect a cereal killer.

[Mikey]

You got so many points with that first one, and then just lost 'em all on the second.

Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'

Did anyone else think of the Frank's Red Hot commercials?

[Griffin]

ATTENTION: Tonight I will attempt to travel back in time and change history. You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses world war II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday.

[Tsukiyumi]

You've done it!!!

[Deepcrush]

No he didn't, Wednesday is still after Sunday and Monday too!

[Tsukiyumi]

Damn!!!

[Griffin]

Meh, close enough.

[Captain Seafort]

You mean there's fish in the pond?

[Deepcrush]

You mean there's fish in the pond?

There are now.

[Mark]

Is Starfleet still building consoles packed with C4?

[Deepcrush]

Is Starfleet still building consoles packed with C4?

No, but I put it in there just to be funny.

[Sonic Glitch]

Is Starfleet still building consoles packed with C4?

They're now building consoles packed fish and there's C4 in the pond.

[Deepcrush]