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"Don't worry. The police will protect us."

"What's that noise?"

:::pulls out cheap plastic flashlight:::

"I don't know. Let's go check."

"Be right back."

"And now, I'll mix this ammonia with this Clorox for superior cleaning power..."

Honey? The switch is in the 'off' position, right?

"Hey guys! Look at this!"

"You're not going to believe this but it's ticking now!"

"It's all right now the ticking has stopped"

(credited to W. C. Fields, I think, as possible epitaphs)

"On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia."

"I told you I was sick."

Mikey wrote:(credited to W. C. Fields, I think, as possible epitaphs)

"On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia."

"I told you I was sick."

He He, the second one was Spike Milligan:

Spike Milligan (by himself) - 1918-2002
Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite.
Translation from Irish: "I told you I was ill."

Thanks for the clarification.

"From Hell's heart, I stab at thee.....for vengence sake, I spit my last breath at thee."

"Didn't I promise you fireworks?"--not last words as originally used but they can be applied.

The most famous last words of all time...........

"Oops"