The Joke Thread

[Lighthawk]

Burn the heretic! For the Emperor!

[Mikey]

I'm lost.

'Ere we go!

[Griffin]

What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?

Tyrannosaurus Wrecks

What do sharks say when something radical happens?

JAWESOME

Whats grey and can't jump?

A Carpark

[colmquinn]

They say that Dinosaurs used to walk the Earth,

They must've had one hell of a big lead.

[Griffin]

[Lighthawk]

1) You can't win.
2) You can't break even.
3) You can't leave the game.
- The Laws of Thermodynamics, summarized

[colmquinn]

Did you know the only reason that FIFA awarded the 2018 World Cup to Russia was to give the Germans another chance to reach Moscow.

[Lighthawk]

"The goal of the Imperial Guard is to clog the enemy's barrels with dead bodies."
- Anonymous IG Player, at the Newcastle Games Workshop establishment, while painting a Sentinel.

[Deepcrush]

"The goal of the Imperial Guard is to clog the enemy's barrels with dead bodies."
- Anonymous IG Player, at the Newcastle Games Workshop establishment, while painting a Sentinel.

"All the while shinning flashlights in their eyes!"

[Mikey]

[Vic]

Guard's the only way to go.

[Deepcrush]

Guard's the only way to go to die.

Fixed for you.

[Mikey]

The Imperial Guard - if we can't match you straight up, at least we can bury you in corpses.

[Vic]

Horde tactics for the win!

[Mark]

Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, OUR side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear 'the rules'
From the female side

Now here are the rules from the male side

These are our rules!
Please note.. they should PROBABLY all be numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers

2. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down..

3. Crying is blackmail.

4. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

5. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

6. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

7. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7Days.

8. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

9. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

10. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

11. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

12. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we...

13. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.


14. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

15. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear..

16. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.... Really.


17. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.

18. You have enough clothes.

19. You have too many shoes.

20. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

21. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight..
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping...