www.ditl.org

I think that one actually hurt a bit.

The Woman Marine Pilot

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get
their parents to tell them a story with a
moral at the end of it. The next
day, the kids came back and, one by one,
began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and
pennies saved. But then the teacher
realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?' ''Yes ma'am. My
daddy told me a story about my Mommy.
She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got
hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all
she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't
break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi
troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of
bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she
killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What
did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?

...............

"Don't Fuck with Mommy when she's been drinking."

Recent newspaper poll reveals Paul McCartneys first wife still more popular then his second.

Better late then Heather.





Sorry.

kostmayer wrote:Better late then Heather.

True - guess she didn't need him or feed him.

Isn't Sir Paul past 64? Anyway, any balloting involving Heather Mills is unfair, because she can't run.


Over the line?

Mikey wrote:Isn't Sir Paul past 64?

Yup - 68. Mills left him 4 years ago.

Sorry, a predominantly Brit joke:

Tiger Woods, Wayne Rooney, Ashley Cole, John Terry, Vernon Kay, Mark Owen, what have they all got in common? Wives who obviously need to make more of a f*cking effort...

The difference between a dog and a cat:

Dog: You feed me, you love me, you take care of my every need. YOU MUST BE A GOD!

Cat: You feed me, you love me, you take care of my every need. I MUST BE A GOD!

Condan1993 wrote:The difference between a dog and a cat:

Dog: You feed me, you love me, you take care of my every need. YOU MUST BE A GOD!

Cat: You feed me, you love me, you take care of my every need. I MUST BE A GOD!

Yep.

The cat reminds me of my ex...

A woman who's had a string of jackass boyfriends puts out an ad for a partner who won't run off with her best friend, won't hit her, and is good in bed. An armless, legless man rings the doorbell. She helps him into her house and quizzes him on the aforementioned characteristics. He says he couldn't run off with her best friend, not having legs, and, as he has no arms, he couldn't hit her. Then she asks, "How do I know you're good in bed?" The armless, legless man says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"