schizo-hal wrote:I know I need to get on that. We have been living together for about 3 years. I'm pretty worried about it, which is why I had the nerve to mention it here... We've been going to couples counseling on and off for almost a year now. And I've been going to individual therapy sessions to work on my own baggage. Same with her. So it's not like we're not working on stuff. The rest of the relationship is fine. But without sex, it's just not a romantic relationship. Come back in 50 years and I'll probably tell you different, but I'm 27, and she's my only partner. So I'm kinda freaking out. Plus, we're supposed to get married.
If it's any consolation, I used to worry about stuff like that and found myself in much the same situation.
To give you a bit of background, I've been with my Mrs for 10 years now. 6 years dating > moving in together > engaged and then the latter 4 as a married couple. Now, God willing with a child on the way.
Up until a few years ago, I felt the same as you. There were times where we'd go, maybe even up to two months without a bit of the old humpty dumpty and it used to drive me crazy, especially as <ahem> I'm quite the sexually driven person and it didn't help that the Mrs seemed to be the polar opposite.
To cut a long story short, without any sort of professional help, we sat down and talked about it <all driven by me...she did not perceive a problem> and after a few harsh trues and a bit of honesty, things got better. Fortunately, we are both fairly 'baggage-free' relationship-wise so did not have to work on that.
Essentially, I think it all came down to the comfort zone thing. You begin to take each other for granted and quite frankly, stop making the effort.....and I mean the both of us. It quite literally takes two to tango
Now, we do make the effort. She does things for me <ha ha, all within the confines of the law> that I love but perhaps, doesn't do much for her and vice-versa. Sure, it doesn't have to be every day (and never is!) but to make the effort every once in a while, NOT time pressured really does make all the difference.
I am not sure if this has been any help to you but if you remember absolutely nothing else, remember this golden rule <and in the title of the TNG episode>. "To thine own self, be true"
