Why biblical fundamentalism breaks down

[Mikey]

Radio host and Orthodox Jew Dr. Laura Schlesinger commented that, according to Leviticus 18:22, homosexuality is an abomination and cannot ever be condoned.

The following was an open letter published on the internet in response:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding G-d's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of G-d's Laws and how to follow them.



1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?



2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?



3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.



4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?



5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?



6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees" of abomination?



7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of G-d, if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?



8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?



9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football, if I wear gloves?



10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that G-d's word is eternal and unchanging.



Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia



PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian.)

[McAvoy]

Excellent.

Though I doubt he will ever get a response. People like this rarely ever respond. In their mindset, I'm right, you're wrong. No debating.

[stitch626]

1 and 3 are my favorites.

[Foxbat]

...things that make you go 'hmmmm'.

[Tsukiyumi]

Awesome. I love using the bible as a weapon.

[Lighthawk]

Well said.

[Tyyr]

What's the obsession with Canadian slaves? Some Hispanic women would be far more fun.

[Mikey]

What's the obsession with Canadian slaves? Some Hispanic women would be far more fun.

Er, I think that's sort of beside the point.

(And believe you me, latinas can get to be super-high maintenance in a real hurry.)

[Tyyr]

The whole point of the slavery thing is that when she gets into high maintenance mode your response can be, "Shut the fuck up."

[Mikey]

Still, I'm not sure it's worth it.

[Graham Kennedy]

Bartlet uses that in an early West Wing episode.

[Mikey]

I like that... the letter I saw and posted had absolutely no references to the "Ignorant Tight-Asses Club."

[Deepcrush]

Agreed, Latinas >>>> Canadians. Its like having sex with a woman's prayer groups mid sermon.

[Mikey]

Agreed, Latinas >>>> Canadians. Its like having sex with a woman's prayer groups mid sermon.

I'll take your word for it. The closest I've come is the floor of a synagogue late in the evening.

[Deepcrush]

Give it a try.