The Joke Thread
Re: The Joke Thread
I think that one actually hurt a bit.
They say that in the Army,
the women are mighty fine.
They look like Phyllis Diller,
and walk like Frankenstein.
the women are mighty fine.
They look like Phyllis Diller,
and walk like Frankenstein.
Re: The Joke Thread
The Woman Marine Pilot
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get
their parents to tell them a story with a
moral at the end of it. The next
day, the kids came back and, one by one,
began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and
pennies saved. But then the teacher
realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?' ''Yes ma'am. My
daddy told me a story about my Mommy.
She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got
hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all
she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't
break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi
troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of
bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she
killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What
did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?
...............
"Don't Fuck with Mommy when she's been drinking."
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get
their parents to tell them a story with a
moral at the end of it. The next
day, the kids came back and, one by one,
began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and
pennies saved. But then the teacher
realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?' ''Yes ma'am. My
daddy told me a story about my Mommy.
She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got
hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all
she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't
break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi
troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of
bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she
killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What
did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?
...............
"Don't Fuck with Mommy when she's been drinking."
They say that in the Army,
the women are mighty fine.
They look like Phyllis Diller,
and walk like Frankenstein.
the women are mighty fine.
They look like Phyllis Diller,
and walk like Frankenstein.
-
Mikey
- Fleet Admiral
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Re: The Joke Thread
I can't stand nothing dull
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
Re: The Joke Thread
Recent newspaper poll reveals Paul McCartneys first wife still more popular then his second.
Better late then Heather.
Sorry.
Better late then Heather.
Sorry.
"You ain't gonna get off down the trail a mile or two, and go missing your wife or something, like our last cook done, are you?"
"My wife is in hell, where I sent her. She could make good biscuits, but her behavior was terrible."
"My wife is in hell, where I sent her. She could make good biscuits, but her behavior was terrible."
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Captain Seafort
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Re: The Joke Thread
True - guess she didn't need him or feed him.kostmayer wrote:Better late then Heather.
Only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe: Albert Einstein.
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Mikey
- Fleet Admiral
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Re: The Joke Thread
Isn't Sir Paul past 64? Anyway, any balloting involving Heather Mills is unfair, because she can't run.
Over the line?
Over the line?
I can't stand nothing dull
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
-
Captain Seafort
- 4 Star Admiral
- Posts: 15548
- Joined: Thu Jul 19, 2007 1:44 pm
- Location: Blighty
Re: The Joke Thread
Yup - 68. Mills left him 4 years ago.Mikey wrote:Isn't Sir Paul past 64?
Only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe: Albert Einstein.
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thelordharry
- Captain
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- Location: UK
Re: The Joke Thread
Sorry, a predominantly Brit joke:
Tiger Woods, Wayne Rooney, Ashley Cole, John Terry, Vernon Kay, Mark Owen, what have they all got in common? Wives who obviously need to make more of a f*cking effort...
Tiger Woods, Wayne Rooney, Ashley Cole, John Terry, Vernon Kay, Mark Owen, what have they all got in common? Wives who obviously need to make more of a f*cking effort...
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and
the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to
know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is
to have succeeded.”
the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to
know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is
to have succeeded.”
-
Captain Seafort
- 4 Star Admiral
- Posts: 15548
- Joined: Thu Jul 19, 2007 1:44 pm
- Location: Blighty
Re: The Joke Thread
Only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe: Albert Einstein.
Re: The Joke Thread
The difference between a dog and a cat:
Dog: You feed me, you love me, you take care of my every need. YOU MUST BE A GOD!
Cat: You feed me, you love me, you take care of my every need. I MUST BE A GOD!
Dog: You feed me, you love me, you take care of my every need. YOU MUST BE A GOD!
Cat: You feed me, you love me, you take care of my every need. I MUST BE A GOD!
Bite my shiny metal ass
Re: The Joke Thread
Condan1993 wrote:The difference between a dog and a cat:
Dog: You feed me, you love me, you take care of my every need. YOU MUST BE A GOD!
Cat: You feed me, you love me, you take care of my every need. I MUST BE A GOD!
Yep.
No trees were killed in transmission of this message. However, some electrons were mildly inconvenienced.
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Praeothmin
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Re: The Joke Thread
The cat reminds me of my ex... 
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Lighthawk
- Rear Admiral
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Re: The Joke Thread
A woman who's had a string of jackass boyfriends puts out an ad for a partner who won't run off with her best friend, won't hit her, and is good in bed. An armless, legless man rings the doorbell. She helps him into her house and quizzes him on the aforementioned characteristics. He says he couldn't run off with her best friend, not having legs, and, as he has no arms, he couldn't hit her. Then she asks, "How do I know you're good in bed?" The armless, legless man says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
