The Joke Thread
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Captain Seafort
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Re: The Joke Thread
Only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe: Albert Einstein.
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Mikey
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Re: The Joke Thread
Hey! I'm no crackpot! asshole, maybe.Reliant121 wrote:Every retirement home has its crackpot asshole
I can't stand nothing dull
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
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Captain Seafort
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Re: The Joke Thread
Evidence please.Mikey wrote:I'm no crackpot!
Only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe: Albert Einstein.
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Mikey
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Re: The Joke Thread
*points to head* Look - not one magic tin-foil headband in sight.Captain Seafort wrote:Evidence please.
I can't stand nothing dull
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
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mwhittington
- Commander
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Re: The Joke Thread
Ah, B.P. Short for Bird Pollution. Putting more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders.colmquinn wrote:American scientists have finally developed a car that runs on water!
Sadly, so far it only works with the water from the Gulf of Mexico.
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -Benjamin Franklin-
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Tsukiyumi
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Re: The Joke Thread
There is only one way of avoiding the war – that is the overthrow of this society. However, as we are too weak for this task, the war is inevitable. -L. Trotsky, 1939
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Sonic Glitch
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Re: The Joke Thread
mwhittington wrote:Ah, B.P. Short for Bird Pollution. Putting more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders.colmquinn wrote:American scientists have finally developed a car that runs on water!
Sadly, so far it only works with the water from the Gulf of Mexico.
That's terrible..Put your glasses on and look again.Mikey wrote:*points to head* Look - not one magic tin-foil headband in sight.Captain Seafort wrote:Evidence please.
"All this has happened before --"
"But it doesn't have to happen again. Not if we make up our minds to change. Take a different path. Right here, right now."
"But it doesn't have to happen again. Not if we make up our minds to change. Take a different path. Right here, right now."
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Mikey
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Re: The Joke Thread
Are you kidding? If I didn't have my glasses on already, I probably couldn't have found the computer to go online and post the last message.Sonic Glitch wrote:Put your glasses on and look again.
I can't stand nothing dull
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
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Reliant121
- 3 Star Admiral
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Re: The Joke Thread
Or find the Zimmerframe...
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Sonic Glitch
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Re: The Joke Thread
Got this off of an e-mail:
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, "because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help man kind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I , and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, "because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help man kind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I , and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
"All this has happened before --"
"But it doesn't have to happen again. Not if we make up our minds to change. Take a different path. Right here, right now."
"But it doesn't have to happen again. Not if we make up our minds to change. Take a different path. Right here, right now."
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Tsukiyumi
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Re: The Joke Thread
There is only one way of avoiding the war – that is the overthrow of this society. However, as we are too weak for this task, the war is inevitable. -L. Trotsky, 1939
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Mikey
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Re: The Joke Thread
oh, wait -
I can't stand nothing dull
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
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Tsukiyumi
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Re: The Joke Thread
Yeah. *sigh*Mikey wrote:oh, wait -
There is only one way of avoiding the war – that is the overthrow of this society. However, as we are too weak for this task, the war is inevitable. -L. Trotsky, 1939
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Sionnach Glic
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Re: The Joke Thread
Good one.
"You've all been selected for this mission because you each have a special skill. Professor Hawking, John Leslie, Phil Neville, the Wu-Tang Clan, Usher, the Sugar Puffs Monster and Daniel Day-Lewis! Welcome to Operation MindFuck!"