The Joke Thread
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Sonic Glitch
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Re: The Joke Thread
? ? ? What?
"All this has happened before --"
"But it doesn't have to happen again. Not if we make up our minds to change. Take a different path. Right here, right now."
"But it doesn't have to happen again. Not if we make up our minds to change. Take a different path. Right here, right now."
Re: The Joke Thread
Right there with ya Mark, right there with ya. 
God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.
.................................................Billy Currington
.................................................Billy Currington
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colmquinn
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Re: The Joke Thread
My driving instructor told me that I should wear a seatbelt because if I was to crash, the force could throw me out of the car.
I can't believe that he thinks Star Wars is real.
I can't believe that he thinks Star Wars is real.
But I can't throw, I throw like a geek!
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Tsukiyumi
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Re: The Joke Thread
There is only one way of avoiding the war – that is the overthrow of this society. However, as we are too weak for this task, the war is inevitable. -L. Trotsky, 1939
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Lighthawk
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Re: The Joke Thread
I don't mind going to work, but that 8 hour wait to go home is a bitch
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you
I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don't want to see you everyday
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I just take something for it
Heavan is where:
The police are British
The chefs are Italian
The mechanics are German
The lovers are French
And it's all orginized by the Swiss
Hell is where:
The police are German
The chefs are British
The mechanics are French
The lovers are Swiss
And it's all orginized by the Italians
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Mr short term memory isn't as sharp as it once was. Also, my short term memory isn't as sharp as it once was.
I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other
I am nobody
Nobody is perfect
Therefore I am perfect
Dyslexics have more nuf
In Memoriam:
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
I love cooking with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch
Don't sweat the petty things
Don't pet the sweaty things
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you
I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don't want to see you everyday
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I just take something for it
Heavan is where:
The police are British
The chefs are Italian
The mechanics are German
The lovers are French
And it's all orginized by the Swiss
Hell is where:
The police are German
The chefs are British
The mechanics are French
The lovers are Swiss
And it's all orginized by the Italians
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Mr short term memory isn't as sharp as it once was. Also, my short term memory isn't as sharp as it once was.
I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other
I am nobody
Nobody is perfect
Therefore I am perfect
Dyslexics have more nuf
In Memoriam:
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
I love cooking with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch
Don't sweat the petty things
Don't pet the sweaty things
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Lighthawk
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- Location: Missouri, USA, North America, Earth, Sol System, Orion Arm, Milkyway Galaxy, Local Group, Universe
Re: The Joke Thread
A WOMAN'S POEM:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.
A MAN'S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
Big t*ts who owns a bar on a golf course,
And loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
Doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh*t.
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.
A MAN'S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
Big t*ts who owns a bar on a golf course,
And loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
Doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh*t.
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Tsukiyumi
- 4 Star Admiral
- Posts: 21747
- Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 2:38 pm
- Location: Forward Torpedo Tube Twenty. Help!
- Contact:
Re: The Joke Thread
There is only one way of avoiding the war – that is the overthrow of this society. However, as we are too weak for this task, the war is inevitable. -L. Trotsky, 1939
Re: The Joke Thread
They say that in the Army,
the women are mighty fine.
They look like Phyllis Diller,
and walk like Frankenstein.
the women are mighty fine.
They look like Phyllis Diller,
and walk like Frankenstein.
Re: The Joke Thread
God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.
.................................................Billy Currington
.................................................Billy Currington
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Tyyr
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Re: The Joke Thread
Dude forgot bisexual.Lighthawk wrote:
A MAN'S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
Big t*ts who owns a bar on a golf course,
And loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
Doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh*t.
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Angharrad
- Captain
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- Location: In the big chair, finally, swinging my feet 'cause I'm short. Lower the chair Scotty DAMMIT
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Re: The Joke Thread
“You cannot play God then wash your hands of the things that you've created. Sooner or later, the day comes when you can't hide from the things that you've done anymore.”
And then Buffy staked Edward. The End.
From Slave to Princess
And then Buffy staked Edward. The End.
From Slave to Princess
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Tsukiyumi
- 4 Star Admiral
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Re: The Joke Thread
Royal_Foxx wrote:Tiger Woods Announces Return To Sex
There is only one way of avoiding the war – that is the overthrow of this society. However, as we are too weak for this task, the war is inevitable. -L. Trotsky, 1939
Re: The Joke Thread
I love the onion
They say that in the Army,
the women are mighty fine.
They look like Phyllis Diller,
and walk like Frankenstein.
the women are mighty fine.
They look like Phyllis Diller,
and walk like Frankenstein.
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JudgeKing
- Lieutenant Commander
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- Joined: Sat Jul 14, 2007 5:53 am
- Location: Somewhere in the universe
Re: The Joke Thread
There is not a problem in this world that can't be solved without the proper application of a sufficient number of thermonuclear ordnance.